u/kittehgoesmeow

"Do you recall ... ingesting rhino ket?" - An OpenAl lawyer, asking Elon Musk if he took a ketamine cocktail at Burning Man. (Answer: No.)

Going Overboard

Pete Hegseth just hired his own Mini-Me to lead the Navy, as the president threatens to blow up more boats in the Strait of Hormuz.

• The U.S. Navy is really having a moment. The branch has plunged into its biggest role in American foreign policy in decades, blocking the Strait of Hormuz oil route and attacking ships amid a fragile ceasefire with Iran. So, naturally, President Donald Trump fired the service’s top civilian official and replaced him with a wackadoo conspiracy theorist — in yet another head-scratching move that calls the commander-in-chief’s judgement into question in a time of war.

• Navy Secretary John Phelan was ousted by War Secretary Pete Hegseth over frustrations with the Navy’s slow shipbuilding process, CNN reports. But Phelan didn’t believe Trump ordered his firing, so he went to the West Wing to directly ask the president — who confirmed the news. Trump posted online today that Phelan would be welcome back in the administration “sometime in the future.”

• The switchup comes at a pivotal point in Trump’s war with Iran. The Navy is still blockading the strait. This morning, Trump ordered the military to “shoot and kill” any Iranian boats that attempt to lay mines in the waterway. The Navy recently boarded another tanker accused of smuggling Iranian oil, as Iran said that the blockade is the “main obstacle” to peace talks.

• Let’s be clear: Phelan wasn’t the ideal choice to lead the Navy. He’s a billionaire art collector and investment banker with no military experience, and a political fundraiser who donated nearly $1 million to Trump’s presidential campaign. Regardless, he kept a low profile and focused on building up the Navy’s industrial base.

But the new guy raises a lot more questions, including: What the hell is Trump thinking?

• Trump tapped Hung Cao, who served as the Navy’s under secretary, to lead the service in the interim. He’s best known for losing House and Senate races in Virginia over the past four years, and then failing upward into a high-ranking Trump administration gig. Cao is more closely aligned with Hegseth on social and cultural battles than Phelan, with whom Hegseth often clashed, according to the New York Times.

• Cao also sounds and acts a lot like Hegseth. “When you’re using a, you know, drag queen to recruit for the Navy — that’s not the people we want,” Cao said during a Virginia Senate debate. “What we need is alpha males and alpha females who are going to rip out their own guts, eat them, and ask for seconds. Those are young men and women that are going to win wars.” I think you are describing zombies, sir.

• That’s only one strange comment in a string of oddities. To name a few: Cao once complained that part of California had been overtaken by people practicing “witchcraft” (a claim quickly mocked and debunked). He joked that he’s African-American because he lived in Africa for a few years as a child. He compared women who get abortions to Nazis. Speaking on Steve Bannon’s podcast, Cao jokingly asked that he be given a KKK hood with “the little slits and not the circles so I can see better.”

“Virginia politics has produced some weapons grade idiots,” tweeted Aaron Fritschner, deputy chief of staff to Rep. Don Beyer (D-VA). “But Hung Cao … is one of the biggest idiots I’ve seen here.”

Meanwhile On The Pod...

Trump Has Been Trying to Crush Free Speech. Is the Media FINALLY Fighting Back? (04/23/26)

Look No Further Than Crooked Media

Last year, we held the first-ever Crooked Con, an event that science said was impossible: a fun political conference. This year, coming out of the midterms and heading into a presidential election in which the stakes will be existential, we realized: we're gonna need a bigger Crooked Con.

Join us November 5-7 in Washington, DC. We'll reflect on the lessons of 2026, and we'll debate the best ways to turn those lessons into strategies to win in the campaigns to come. There will be more panels across bigger stages, candidate forums, live shows, interviews, organizing events, and tense but cathartic moments between prominent media figures who have yelled at each other on the internet.

Sign up for updates, including on-sale ticket dates, at https://crookedcon.com.

What Else?

Warner Bros. Discovery shareholders voted to greenlight a $111 billion merger with Paramount Skydance today, ending a monthslong saga that could reshape Hollywood and national media. If the deal is finalized, platforms including HBO Max and CNN could come under the same umbrella as CBS and Paramount+. Will Bari Weiss become the new editor-in-chief of CNN? You can’t rule it out!

One of Trump’s top counterterrorism officials, 29-year-old Julie Varvaro, was placed on leave following allegations that she accepted tens of thousands of dollars from “sugar daddies” to fund her lavish lifestyle. As a whistleblower described: “I did not want a sugar daddy/prostitution relationship, after spending $30,000-$40,000 for vacations, Cartier jewelry, expensive handbags, and various shopping trips.” Varvaro told the Daily Mail: “I didn’t know it was bad to go on vacation with your boyfriend.”

Even the world’s largest condom maker is feeling the effects of the war in Iran. Karex, a Malaysian company that produces Durex and Trojan condoms, is raising prices by up to 30%, citing the rising cost of materials and shipping disruptions. “Everyone hopes that this ends fast and swiftly,” the company’s chief executive told the New York Times.

Sen. Ruben Gallego (D-AZ) partied at a Colombian nightclub until 3 a.m. while on a congressional trip last year, despite being told that there was a credible threat to his life, NOTUS reports. Gallego and his chief of staff also reportedly asked embassy employees to join them at the club. A spokesperson for the senator told NOTUS that inviting embassy staff out is “a common way to recognize the work of those who support these visits.”

U.S. special envoy Paolo Zampolli proposed replacing Iran with Italy at the upcoming World Cup, in conversations with Trump and FIFA President Gianni Infantino. “I’m an Italian native and it would be a dream,” Zampolli told the Financial Times. This guy seems a little biased, no?

Some Labubu dolls are made with a type of cotton from a region in China, which is banned in the U.S. due to its association with forced labor, according to a Times investigation. The doll’s retailer, Pop Mart, said that it will conduct an investigation into the matter.

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Light At The End...

The Trump administration reclassified medical marijuana as a less dangerous drug, after decades of classifying pot as alongside heroin. While cannabis still isn’t legal federally, the order gives medical cannabis providers a big tax break and makes it easier to research the drug.

Speaking of drugs, OpenAI lawyers quizzed tech gazillionaire Elon Musk whether he had used “rhino ketamine” at Burning Man in 2017, according to newly released court documents. What the hell is that, you ask? It’s a mix of ketamine and amphetamine, apparently. Musk said he didn’t what it was, and did not recall taking any, per the documents.

Former Vice President Mike Pence called on Trump to stop attacking Pope Leo. “If I was advising him — as I did every day for four and a half years — I’d say: Let the pope be the pope, and you be the president,” Pence told MS NOW. Will Trump listen to the guy he reportedly wanted hanged? I don’t think so. But this is some solid advice!

Workers began building a massive cricket stadium in Los Angeles for the 2028 Olympics on Wednesday. It has been 126 years since cricket, one of the most popular sports in the world, has been featured in the games. “We like home runs. We love the long ball. Cricket has a lot of those. American sports fans just don’t know they’re cricket fans yet,” the CEO of the fairgrounds where the stadium is being built told the Associated Press.

Merriam-Webster added the Gen Z slang word “choppelganger” to the dictionary. It’s a combination of chopped (ugly) and doppelganger (a lookalike). I’m a chronically online member of Gen Z and even I hadn’t heard of this one. Who is running Merriam-Webster these days???

Pop star Taylor Swift topped Spotify’s first-ever list of most-streamed artists of all time. Bad Bunny came in second, with Drake, The Weeknd, and Ariana Grande trailing behind.

A 21-year-old woman surprised her grandmother after buying her house back, years after she had been forced to sell. “Are you kidding?!” the grandmother asked in a viral video. I’m just glad the granddaughter didn’t have to learn how to play golf to buy her grandma’s house back.

Enjoy

> Lil Samsquanch on Twitter: "Been drinking pretty much only Diet Coke to save water for Claude"