Why does it get harder?
When I had my first transfer failure, I had mistakenly hoped that I would “get used to it” and future failures (if they came) would be less painful because I would know what to expect.
Well, it turns out i was disastrously wrong. Every setback has slammed into me harder and harder. I can’t acclimate to this cycle of putting myself through the challenges and discomforts of every step to be hit with disappointment. My heart hopes without my permission, it refuses to be guarded no matter what I do. I am desperate to be freed from hope, to have the desire for a child taken from me. I don’t want to want this.
Is it getting easier for anyone? I have 2 more transfers left until we give up. Im just scared because if I get more bad news I don’t know how I’m going to get up off the floor. God forbid another miscarriage.