Unexpected sideeffects after starting TMS
Tl;dr
Started TMS for anhedonia expecting mild physical side effects, got hit with a rollercoaster of mental health side effects. Seeking advice.
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M33, previously diagnosed with GAD,CPTSD and depressions.
Before starting treatment my diagnoses were well managed without medication. Yes I had some baseline anxiety, intrusive thoughts and so on but functioning well enough to work.
The primary issue is severe anhedonia and mild/moderate depression and anxiety.
I have tried two rounds of SSRIs. The first round gave me genuinely the best 6 months of my life. Complete remission on symptoms from all my diagnoses I would say. But I relapsed almost immediately after quitting.
A few years later I tried a second round, which had little to no effect. And I had many side effects especially cognitive ones such as memory - so I gave up on it.
So fast forward to today - I found out about TMS and did so much research on it, especially seeing how it apparently had almost no side effects apart from some headache - I thought I would give it a try.
But what happened surprised me.
I did the high frequency left side treatment for 2 days and i had immediate reactions the day after starting:
- changed sleep pattern (to little sleep)
- general agitation and restlessness, as if I drinked too many coffees. Felt an urge to just jump and run around? So weird..
- headache
- lightheadedness
- highly anxious
- complete intolerance to nicotine!! I would get a racing heart and anxiety Spike. As a nicotine user of 15 years, this was really surprising but maybe a good reason to quit?
So after this i told my clinic that, I was getting way too high anxiety and it's affecting my work.
They then recommended that I switch to low frequency right sided treatment.
After doing so i noticed:
- immediate effect on sleep (slept more, positive)
- less anxiety
- drowsy during they day, got urge to sleep midday
- memory and focus affected negatively. Would forget words, what I had eaten during the day and so on. Very scary and bad feeling.
And during the past 5 days I've also had some seemingly random and transient positive feelings:
- Clearer and sharper vision, more colors
- seeing beauty in things again
- waking without a tight anxious chest
Ultimately I am writing this after waking up at 3AM in the morning after my fifth night. I haven't been waking up mid night like this for many years, when my depression was much worse. I'm highly anxious and with suicidal thoughts (wouldn't do anything, just classic depression symptom to me). Yesterday the clinic was closed so had no treatment at all. Today I'm supposed to do my 5th treatment.
But I am worried now. Are these symptoms normal? Can someone with experience of all this advice me?
Is TMS a mental rollercoaster, but it'll all get better?