So, I've noticed it's next to impossible to be monogamous and part of that community, let alone part of that lifestyle. The moment you admit you're into anything apart from the normative things, there's an assumption of total degeneracy...And no, no I'm very private and committed but I'm literally not capable of a vanilla relationship...And when I do try to reach out into that sort of social zone it's...I admit, while not literally impossible, damn close, to find anyone remotely serious who is interested in a long term monogamous commitment.
Not to mention that the moment I put my foot in the door of any of those kinds of social events or social spaces, even outside of yknow 'event' events...It's never about just meeting people, there's always got to be some nasty garbage about having a massive cule or a totally open arrangement and when I approached partners in the past, which I admit was stupid of me to give in to, they would already be assuming I was poly/open or only interested in a dynamic and not a romantic relationship on top of that...
And it's really busted up my view of how capable literally anyone is of a relationship where that kind of thing is mutually necessary but not the entire reason to be with each other...Like, do people just...Not like other people anymore? Is it all about sleeping around and entertaining themselves with being dramatic and manipulative/mean for no reason to each other?
Like, fundamentally it's a space with a lot of mental health stuff implicit in the needs of those who engage it but like...There's gotta be SOME real ones out there, right?