u/itslikeihavESPN

WAKE UP BAY BITCHES, MAKE YOUR MOM (CRISTINA GIRELLI) SOME PANCAKES, DO YOUR STRETCHES, AND GET EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING DOWN TO PAYPAL PARK FOR THE DEMOLITION OF UTAHHHHHHHH. EVERYONE SAID WE COULDN’T DO IT LAST WEEK, BUT RUDIE,  SILKY & THE GANG SHOWED UP AND SAID BAY-BYE TO THEIR NARRATIVE. ALL IT TOOK WAS ONE TAYLOR HUFF TOE-POKE TO BREAK THE WAVE. I’M STILL SMELLING THE SWEET FUMES OF NUTMEG. 

NOW, UTAH MAY LIVE IN HIGH ELEVATION, BUT THEIR TEAM IS ABOUT TO BE DEPRESSED. THEIR DEFENSE IS ABOUT TO CRUMBL. THEIR OFFENSE WILL BE INACTIVE (I mean less active). OUR WIN WILL BE SWEETER THAN EVERY SODALICIOUS COMBINED. 

TODAY IS THE DAY WE THROW OFF OUR UTAH CURSE AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS IT! SEE YOU AT PAYPAL PARK!!!

WAKE UP BAY BITCHES ITS GAMEDAY!!!!!! 4 PM MARKS THE HOUR OUR DEFENSE BECOMES A FUNCTIONING UNIT AND WE TAKE DOWN THE SAN DIEGO WAVE AND YAWNUS EIDELOL. OUR COPPER QUEEN IS BACK AND READY TO ROCKET US UP THE TABLE. OUR POTENTIAL, LIKE CHONKERS 🦭, IS MASSIVE.

YOU HAVE SUN? HAVE YOU EVER SAT ON THE SOUTHEAST SIDE OF PAYPAL PARK? YOU HAVE BEACHES? OH, ARE YOU SOMEHOW ON A DIFFERENT PACIFIC OCEAN THAN WE ARE?

YOU HAVE AS MUCH CHANCE TO WIN THE CHAMP AS THE NUMBER OF DRAINS IN YOUR STADIUM. YOU’VE COMIC-CONNED YOUR WAY TO 15 POINTS AND ITS TIME TO SAN DIEGO HOME CRYING.

THE WAVE IS JUST A MOMENT, BUT THE BAY IS FOREVER.