u/itsjustmf

My husband(28m) and I (28f) have been married for 7.5 years and I think it’s all coming to an end.

I want my marriage to work, but I feel like I’m the only one that truly wants to work on things.

For some background: we only knew each other for 6 month before we got married (I know, I know.). And everything seemed great, our values seemed to align and it seemed like we had the same goals for life.

Our plan looked like me supporting him for the first few years in his career and then it would be time for him to support me while we started our family.

Well when it came time to start trying for kids, he decided he wasn’t ready and needed more time to work on himself to get to a place he felt ready to be a dad. Which was a bit heartbreaking for me, but I don’t want to have kids with someone who isn’t ready so we waited. And waited. But he just has’t felt ready.

I knew he wasn’t ready, so during those years I didn’t talk about children because I knew it stressed him out and that killed me, because I wanted to be excited for our future children. But one day a couple of months ago he told me that my desire for children made him feel unloved.

He knew I had an undeniable desire to have children, it feels like my purpose in life. But now he is throwing that in my face? I don’t know, it’s confusing.

While I’ve been supporting him through many career changes, my own career fell to the wayside and I had to let my license expire due to where we lived at the time and not being able to get home to renew it.

I’ve only been working part time the last 4-5 years due to him wanting me at home more, so that we could have more time together.

But now sometimes he says that he likes the idea of him being the stay at home parent, which a few years ago when I had a career that would have been fine with me, but now I don’t have a reliable income or let alone a license to keep working on.

It’s the inconsistency that stresses me out and I never truly know what he is thinking.

And our sex life is nonexistent these days. During our first few years he was very sexually pushy and we had sex every night due to him having to have an orgasm to be able to sleep, I had a breakdown due to being so tired from work and the lack of sleep during that time and things changed for the better.

I thought we were both on the same page and respected each other’s boundaries, until a couple of years ago.

He came to me and said that since my sex drive was so much lower than his, that he wouldn’t be initiating sex anymore and that it would be up to me, at first this sounded fine to me, but the pressure of it all and my past issues regarding sex started to come back and it has caused me to have a full on sex aversion and now I can’t bring myself to be in the mood at all. Sex turns me off so much now and I just want to cry.

My husband loves going down on me and things like that, but it just grosses me out so much. And I don’t know how to get past it.

I know I need therapy again, but I can’t really afford it right now. Everything is just falling apart and I don’t know how to keep it together anymore.

He doesn’t put any effort into anything, I have to be the one to bring anything up and I’m getting tired of it. I think I’m done fighting for us.

I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but I just needed to get it off my chest in some way. I can barely make sense of anything anymore. I don’t have anyone in my life that I can talk to about all of this and I just needed it out.