u/itistheaudacityforme

Hey you…

For years I have been struggling. Depression. Anxiety. It doesn’t seem like I can have a moment of peace where I’m not struggling to breathe. I’m in the middle of a vast ocean, and the waves just keep coming. Mouthfuls upon mouthfuls of salty ocean water, my lungs burning, my brain going numb from the lack of oxygen.

Yet, somehow, you mysterious and magical person, are just sitting there on the waves. Chill, calm, and collected. While many have just passed by my raised hand for help, you leaned down and pulled me up. I could breathe even if for just a moment. You told me you appreciated me, and the storm faded. The waves ceased to exist. I looked at you, and I didn’t feel afraid.

Is it a life jacket? Inflatable flamingo? A glass table an inch under the water? Jet skis? Kayak? Jesus? Mermaids? Are you secretly Percy Jackson’s long lost brother and another son of Poseidon? How do you do it? You are as the titanic was supposed to be. Unsinkable. Yet, here I am, overboard entirely.

The waves have gotten much worse and I can’t find you. I didn’t tell you, but you meant the world to me. Even if it all was just for a fraction of a second. I appreciate you, for just showing me kindness. It’s probably why I fell for you in the first place. You are beautiful in every way possible.

- Me

It’s been awhile and I do miss you. I try not to, you’re not mine, you don’t owe it to me, but I do. I told myself to not grow attached, and yet I did.

I hear your laugh and voice down the halls, and yet you’re not there. Your voice, your demeanor, everything… it just brought me so much peace. I am fighting a dragon and a troll, slaughtering countless monsters, and I’m tired. I can tell you’ve had your fair share of battles too. Just lay your armor down, let me put up your sword, and just come collapse in my arms. Tell me your stories, and let me tell you mine. Tell me your jokes, and I will tell you mine.

This life is not meant to be easy, and I don’t plan on being here long. Life has already determined that for me without my consent. I just want to spend it happily with someone whose soul matches mine. We both openly agreed to each other that we won’t be here for a long time, but at least we want a good time.

I think we both felt it, not entirely sure… it felt like you treated me differently than the others. I regret not saying anything. I regret not telling you. I think you knew. I think you might have had feelings as well. However, we both were stuck in hell. Nobody went out of their way to help me like you did. Nobody checked in on me like you did. Nobody told me they appreciated my efforts like you did. No one ever has. But you did. You told me and half looked at me. You complimented me on everything. No one ever has.

I want to see you again, and at the same time I don’t. It might hurt me again just to lose you once more. If you do come back I want you to stay. I don’t want you to be the one that got away, but if that’s how it has to be I think I can make my peace.