u/inber

Look I never saw Star Wars, and the only thing I knew about it was "luke I am your father."

I've always been a Star Trek and Doctor who fan and was always intimidated by the franchise and, frankly, the fandom.

But my friend who is a huge fan and I made a deal, I will watch Star Wars and she will watch Harry Potter.

Part of the deal is that I will sit with a notebook and write whatever comes to me while I watch the movies.

So here I am after the original trilogy and the first of the prequels trying to make sense with what I just witnessed.

Don't get me wrong, I like it so far. It's crazy but really good, and I can already see that it will be my new hyperfixation for a while but man!!

I'm gonna put some of my unfiltered thoughts about the movies so far.

P.s. My friend said I could skip the first and second movies straight to the third because nothing happens in them, If this is a movie nothing happens in, I don't want to imagine what's going to happen in the third movie.

*The 4th episode:*

R2d2 gets me.

Ponchos and robes/capes are like the galactic fashion standard for those who want to look normal but manage to present themselves in the most suspicious way I've ever seen?

Between princesses, crazy old wizards, two droids who may or may not belong to the princess and a strange boy who bonded far too quickly with strangers, oh and not to forget the power plant full of Imperial soldiers! Han Solo rethinks all the decisions he made to get to this point and comes to the conclusion that maybe he should have let that flyhead eliminate him.

Leia is something special, what the hell is that pose?!

Obi-wan is giving "I'm an old man with zero fucks left to give, I'm gonna go and fight throughout the galaxy wearing my pj's. At least I'll die in comfort."

Okay what Ben did was such a Boss move, like you give an epic one-liner to your old student about how no matter what he does I will still win and then you lose the fight on purpose and you do it in such a way that he can see for sure that you lost to him on purpose (talk about insult to injury) and then somehow you just disappear in front of his eyes and make him doubt everything and all you leave behind is your beloved bathrobe! What an icon, what a character. That's it! It's decided Obi-Wan Kenobi is my favorite character.

Why didn't Chewbacca get a medal???

*The 5th episode:*

wow r2dr is like the worried mom waiting for her son to come home and at the same time c3po is like that uncle from home alone comparing Kevin to the glasses he forgot at home.

Can everyone just use this lightsaber? They don't need the force?

R2d2 is going through it.

Yes, argue with the invisible ghost, he seems to know what he's doing.

Did Yoda really tell Ben I told you so when the fate of the galaxy depended on it??

The fuck you mean "I know", who the hell says that to I love you?!

Wow this motherfucker really just cut off Luke's hand, at the same time told him to join me and then dropped the news that he was his father.

The fuck is this movie?!??!

*The 6th episode:*

Luke is in his emo faze I see.

Someone wants to explain to me who the hell is that weirdo in the robe that looks like a raisin and talks like he forgot his dentures at home?

Okay, so even from the grave, Obi-Wan continues the tradition of throwing things at Luke as if he were talking about a shopping list and not changing his whole worldview!!? Yes, you have to kill your father, there is some emperor who wants to make you part of his boy band, and by the way, you have a twin sister who was separated from you at birth and just so you know, she is Leia, good luck.

As a small person I say go tiny bear, pop that motherfucker straight in the kneecaps, we stan a short king.

I understand that one of the things you learn in the jadi swamp school is how to ruin someone's version of reality in a few short sentences, truly a remarkable skill.

Why doesn't anything in these movies have any kind of context!?!

Lando my love, your the only person in this movie with any kind of common sense, you must be protected.

*The 1st episode:*

that's Obi Wan Kenobi?!! He's so small!! What is Liam Neeson doing here??

Can I say something about the hair? Am I supposed to say something about the hair?

Suddenly I understand why Luke had absolutely no survival instincts or a sense of stranger danger. obi-wan is just as bad, if not worse, and saw no need to fix this issue. Which is still better than master Nissan, who seems to encourage it.

No, but like obi-wan and his master are so calm and zen about everything no matter what happens that in this point I'm afraid to ask what the hell they do on a regular basis.

R2d2 my love!!!

that's Anakin?!?! He's so sweet! What happened??

Child endangerment thy name is Jinn.

Okay Mad Max: A Star Wars-style Cars Collision Course is not what I expected from this movie.

Okay, so according to Jinn, these midi-chlorians are the mitochondria of the force and they talk to you... I'm just gonna leave that right there.

Obi-wan is still a fucking badass ever with that awful ponytail and that weird ass braid which I'm not gonna comment on.

*edit: OK, I've finished the second movie and oh boy do I have a lot but a lot of thoughts. At this point I don't think I want to know what happens in the third movie. But anyway, here goes.

The 2nd episode:

OK, I can't deal with this. A second ago, obi-wan was this crazy old wizard in the desert that turned into a ghost that dealt emotional damage on the living because he felt like it. After that, he suddenly turned into a charming, awkward weirdo with an awful ponytail. And now he's this gorgeous sluty wine aunt of a space monk with luscious mullet hair. Your killing me here obi-wan kenobi, too fucking beautiful.

Obi-wan sure did loosen up between Luke and Anakin. Where's the guy that said to Luke "come with me on a galactic joy ride to blow up the government, random farm boy with no fighting experience", and the dude that tells Anakin "no man, you got to follow the rules and do what the council tells you to"

Anakin will be like "Calm down nothing will happen it was her idea, don't you trust me?" and Obi Wan will be "That's exactly why I'm not calm right now Anakin".

Obi-wan just jumped out of the fucking window to get that droid like it owed him money, and is expecting us to believe that he's the responsible one here. If that's true, I'm worried about Anakin.

Obi-Wan is the older brother who insists on reminding his younger brother at every opportunity that he is a child. He is also the hysterical mom who grabs everything she can get her hands on the moment she gets in the car with her son who just got his license.

Obi-wan kenobi is such a fucking mood. Like yes, I'm going to sass the hell out of my padawan and send him to find the assassin on his own while I get myself a drink to stay sane. Oh, is that a drug dealer? Well, I'm going to mind whammy him to rethink his life choices. Then he'll go, yes I'll just casually cut down someone in the middle of this very crowded nightclub, I'm sure no one will notice. And all of this happened in less than five minutes.

Obi-Wan and the bodyguard see their two idiots walking towards the horizon and know that this whole thing will end in a disaster and that their only hope is R2D2.

Obi-wan is like "I have no idea what the hell is going on right now, but I'm going to pretend that I do until I figure this out" Meanwhile, he has absolutely zero ability to keep a straight face and I won't be surprised if his eyebrows will just jump off his forehead on their own.

Anakin, subtle you are not.

Obi-wan is in a dystopine si-fi horror with a full-blown army of clones, while Anakin and Padmé are frolicking in the fields in their slow burn/fast burn romance.

Boba Fett just gave Obi-Wan one of the most bombastic side eyes I've ever seen.

Ok emo boy, your giving me whiplash. at first you're all dramatic about being good at fixing things, from there you move on to blaming Obi Wan and then you admit you're a mass murderer and all this while your voice breaks. It's actually kind of impressive.

Obi-wan kenobi sassing back and forth with saruman, never thought I'd see the day.

No but Dooku will be "Obi-wan don't you trust me?" and at the same time makes alliances with the enemy, builds an army to go againstthe jadi, captures him and generally gives off bad vibes. yes totally trustworthy, how could I ever think differently.

No jadi or any character from those movies will survive a horror movie with their nonexistent survival skills.

That "Good Job" came from his fucking soul, man.

Obi-Wan tells Anakin to wait, so they'll take him on together and automatically Anakin goes at him alone and loses in seconds just to leave Obi-Wan to fight alone. Obi-Wan just has this look of I should have seen this coming, don't know what i was expecting.

Everyone's a gangsta until yoda arrives.

Please tell me that Anakin and padmé don't think they're subtle, this is just ridiculous.