Abusive mom. F 15
I got into an argument with my mom. It was really bad. I was calling her stupid and saying a lot of rude stuff. I sobbing and telling her that I hate her. Telling her she’s disgusting. I told her how I was raped, because she says I’ve never been through anything traumatic, and she called me a liar. My mom is a really bad person. She lies a lot, to get your hopes up. She’ll say “I’m gonna buy you a new phone since your phone is really bad” she’s been saying this for years, to get my hopes up, and I hate it. She told me I’m not pretty enough to be raped. She bullies me a lot. Calling me ugly and what not. If I don’t agree with her on something like feminism (she isn’t a feminist) she’ll call me a weirdo. She used to beat me when I was younger, but as I got older she stopped. But I’d have scars all over my body. She tells me how I’m worth nothing. I’ll ask her a simple question, and she will berate me for not knowing. She told me that I should go deeper in my self harm, and told me how she’ll piss oh my grave when I die. She told me to kill myself, and after that stuff I knew I couldn’t stand being treated like that anymore. She’s kicking me out. I’m only 51 backwards. I don’t know what to do. I can’t feel anything. The conversation will be normal and she will make it into an argument. She also groomed me into being what she wanted me to be. She’d call me weird for dressing a certain way, so I’d change my clothes for her. I changed my personality for her. I did everything she wanted me to. I don’t know who I am anymore. When I was sobbing I told her how it’s her fault that grown men stare at my body, and she didn’t care. She used it against me. I used to dress masculine because it stopped boys from looking at me (I was sa’d at lot as a Child, so when I’d dress masculine boys or men wouldn’t sa me, because then I’d be seen as a “tomboy” now that it’s changed. I dress really feminine to the point where I get looks Everytime I go out. I dress this way because it stops the bullying from my mom sometimes. She told me how she’d rather me be raped by a grown man, than have consensual sex as a teenager, because teen sex is wrong. She calls me a liar and say she’s never done anything wrong when I tell her all the bad stuff she’s done to me. When she’d get angry at me she’d pull my hair and drag me to the floor. She’d drop heavy things on my head when I was younger. Rip my clothes off if I didn’t wanna change, and force me to still wear them when we went out. I’m so tired. What do I do?