Lost a friend because of weight loss
I (26F) started a weight loss journey in January after deciding I needed to change myself. I’ve been overweight, then obese, then morbidly obese virtually my whole life due to comfort eating from childhood PTSD. In the last 12 weeks I’ve been doing weekly therapy, monthly meets with a dietitian, and have lost nearly 25lbs. I’m 2 lbs away from no longer being morbidly/class III obese. I have a long way to go still but I’m so proud of myself and feel so much better in my body every single day.
I have (had?) a friend from college who I hadn’t seen since early February, back when I was early on in the weight loss. To be honest, I was hiding my weight loss goals from them. They’ve been very sensitive about weight in the past, and heavily critical of GLP1s. They’ve expressed some disappointment at (overweight) celebrities and influencers losing weight, blaming it on internalized fatphobia. What’s interesting is they aren’t overweight themselves, they appear to be right in the range of “healthy BMI.” Last time we met, the weight loss wasn’t visible yet and I just didn’t bring it up. We decided to catch up over dinner yesterday. The weight loss was visible by now, and I could tell my friend realized by the way they kept looking at me.
They didn’t say anything at first, and we just caught up as normal. When it came time to order, I ordered a much smaller meal than I would in the past. For the record, it wasn’t any kind of crazy diet meal. I got 3 grilled shrimp tacos and a diet coke. It’s not like I got a salad without dressing or something absurd. This is a meal I liked and would order in the past, only back then I would get extra sides and a margarita and probably dessert too. As soon as the waiter left, they sighed dramatically and asked, “So I guess you’ve started taking Ozempic now?”
I told them no, which is the truth. I’d love to take a GLP1, but my insurance refused to cover the cost since I don’t yet have “negative health effects” from my obesity. They laughed and said that’s what everyone on weight loss medication says. I said it didn’t matter if I was on medication or not, and said something along the lines of “I’m happy, I’m working with a therapist and dietitian and I’m not starving myself. This is something I’ve wanted for myself my whole life. I want to live a long life, I want kids, and I was scared my weight would hold me back from the life I want. I understand weight and dieting is a sensitive topic for you so I want to keep this to myself, but please understand that this is the choice I’m making.”
To their credit, they let us move on but the rest of the evening was tense. A few hours after I got home, they sent me a text (summarized because it was much longer and rambled, but this was the gist):
“I’ve been really upset since our conversation at dinner tonight. I always considered you a safe person to be around and it hurts a lot seeing you fall for this new wave diet culture even though we always talked about how harmful it is. I respect your choice, although I do hope you reconsider using harmful methods to achieve “health”, but I don’t know if I can be around to watch it happen.”
I haven’t fully processed it yet. I’m not devastated but I am frustrated. It’s funny because my most supportive friends so far have been my overweight/obese or formerly overweight friends. But this friend, who has never struggled with carrying excess weight in their life, is acting like they’re being personally victimized by my weight loss. If they no longer want to be my friend because of this I’m fine without them, but I am annoyed. I don’t know if this friend has ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but they have spoken extensively about body image issues. And I understand that it’s complex. But they have an objectively “normal” body, the numbers show they aren’t anywhere near obese even if that’s what they see in the mirror. I think it’s ridiculous to act like their body image issues are at all comparable with the very real MEDICAL DANGER I was (and am still) in due to my weight, and that their feelings matter at all in my choice.