Did you ever think you could be one of the millions Allah destined to stay single and never marry?
I see that everyone is waiting, and preparing, and dreaming, and planning, ... while there's a high probability that it will never happen.
This stupid dream controlled my whole life from a very young age. My whole perspective of life is built partially on it. It's impossible to change at this point. How can I get free and just not want anything anymore?? If only I could worship Allah as He wanted me to, and wait for death to be spared of this meaningless life that I'm currently holding on to with all the force I have. If only I were like that.
I envy those religious, empty of dreams muslims. They don't do anything; they don't want anything; they consume what they get; they don't care that no one wants them, that they have nothing special .. no beauty, no people, no money, no fame, no dreams, ... just Allah.
So, what about you? are you in peace with the idea of never getting married? did you ever thought of it ?
it's 02:44 am, I bet I'll regret posting this tomorrow. but yeah ..I'll do it anyway.