I’m exhausted from family responsibilities and constant guilt
Today I had a huge fight with my grandmother, and honestly I’m still angry and hurt.
It started over something so stupid—petrol for the scooty. She told me to get petrol filled, and I got irritated because that scooty was literally bought from my scholarship money.
On top of that, I bought an Ola Electric scooter on EMI so both me and my younger brother can use it, and I’m the one paying that EMI every single month. So in my head, it felt fair that she could at least handle the petrol for the other scooty.
For some background, my father has basically done nothing for us from the start. My grandmother is the one who got him married and helped raise us, and yes, I know that and I’m grateful—but she reminds us of it constantly, like we owe her forever.
I’m also paying my own education loan EMI and even the house Wi-Fi bill. I do try to help financially, but because I’m a teacher, I don’t get paid during school holidays, so there are literally 2–4 months where I can’t contribute much. It’s not because I don’t want to—it’s because I genuinely can’t.
My whole childhood has been pretty toxic, and sometimes I feel like I’m still stuck in that same environment.
Today she said a lot of hurtful things over this petrol issue. What hurts me most is—not that she doesn’t have money, I understand that—but why can’t she just say it normally? Why does it always have to be yelling, taunting, and making me feel guilty?
Then she said I’m taunting her about the scooty and acting like I’ve done some huge favor. I got so angry I just took my Ola and left for work.
And honestly, I don’t even know what she wants from me anymore.
I’m working as a teacher right now, but I hate this job. I’m only doing it because I need money. What I really want is to prepare for a government job (my degree is useless), build a stable career, and have a better future. But it feels like nobody cares about that. It feels like all they want is for me to keep earning and giving.
I know family responsibilities matter. I know money matters. But am I wrong for wanting more for myself? Am I wrong for wanting to focus on my future so I can eventually do better for everyone—including myself?
I’m just tired. Really, really tired.
I used chatgpt to word it better. Also this is a throwaway account.