Tomorrow is our anniversary, and I love him so so much, I had to record this song for him. He has not seen it yet and will not until around 1-2 PM EST tomorrow. Sooo I just wanted to share the love song I recorded cuz I’m excited to show it to him!
And yes that’s him in the photo.
Song - Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
He’s on the left and I’m on the right in the photo!!
We met at a weird time in my life. I had just gotten out of the hospital for mental health reasons, and I had decided “I want to leave my old life behind and start anew.” I wasn’t even necessarily looking for love when I met him. But the second I met him IRL.. it was almost like love at first sight. Everything about him amazes me.
I love how much of a fighter he is. I mean that literally, because he’s training in boxing, but also figuratively. He had a lot of trauma in life between massive surgeries and the loss of a parent, but he’s always stayed so headstrong. I feel like he’s the type of person to let his pain strengthen him and build him up, rather than bring him down. Which is very very inspiring and something I’ve been trying to learn from him.
I love his amazing smile with his cute sharp tooth! I love how cutesy and feminine he can be. I love just the sound of his voice.. I love the way he touches my face and smiles at me so softly like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen.
Sometimes I can be a bad partner. I know that. I’m not always 100% honest about usually dumb things, and I can be very needy and emotional and make things about me. I know that and I’m so sorry to him for all of that. But I’m also so so grateful that he’s chosen to accept me and love me, flaws and all. He’s the only person in my entire life who has ever truly seen me for who I am. He’s told me many times that all he truly wants from me is to see me happy and more confident in myself. He once told me that it genuinely hurts him that I hate myself the way I do. It makes me a bit emotional to hear those things because nobody has EVER cared about me that much.
I just want to be the best version of myself that I can be for him. I want to be someone who puts that pretty smile on his face every single day. We’ve had some ups and downs in our relationship, and I don’t ever want to hurt him again.. I know that’s not humanly possible if we will be together forever, but I want to do my best at it. I want to be open and communicative and generous and loving, always. He deserves all of that and so much more.
I worry at times that I don’t deserve him; that he can do so much better. But I know that relationships are all about trust. I have to learn to trust that he genuinely does love me and want what’s best for me and want us to be happy together. I feel horrible that I have had a hard time fully trusting that sometimes, because he honestly gives me no reason to doubt him.
I love how we are best friends and we can laugh together until our sides hurt. I’m just so thankful to have finally found my angel. I know I’ve been looking for love my entire life and how ironic that once I stopped truly looking, I found my soulmate? I love him more than there are stars in the sky; I love him more than there are years tallied into our entire universes existence.
Thank you if you read this. :3