u/hneunoia

So this whole dilemma that I have has began more than a year ago. I’ve never felt like my real self in hijab and since ALL of my friends have removed their hijab in the past couple years I’ve been thinking about it more seriously. I live in Iran and here we are thought from a very young age that Islam is the best and the “only” true way to be a good person. A good Muslim girl should wear her hijab properly and I vividly remember how our teachers used to describe the tortures sinners will go through in hell if they don’t obey. I never really thought about if I really wanted to be a Muslim or not since it was the only thing I ever knew, but especially after protests against obligatory hijab began in my country in 2022 (after a girl named Mahsa Amini was killed by police forces because she didn’t wear her hijab properly) I’ve been thinking about what hijab really means to me. I don’t really see myself as a religious person but I do pray and had my hijab like all the time. I don’t feel the deepest connection with my religion but it’s the only way I know how to calm myself and how to talk to god. So if you guys don’t know the government of Iran is an Islamic republic and wearing hijab is mandatory. If you don’t do it you will go to jail, yet our brave women have removed their hijab for the past three years and been expressing themselves much more openly. The very devout fans of the Islamic regime make me feel sick to my stomach. All I see every day is how these people can be THIS ignorant to all the things this government has done to its own people. and I know I shouldn’t be confusing this whole situation with the real Islam, but when it’s the only thing you see every day you can’t help yourself. I started researching about whether the hijab is actually mandatory for women in Islam and I can’t really wrap my head around a single answer. Conservative Muslims say it is while progressive one say it isn’t. I’m currently reading Women and Gender in Islam by Leila Ahmed and it’s really eye opening but I’m not sure if still it’s the right decision for me to remove my hijab.