My fiance hasn't talked to his kids for over a year. We do not even know if they are alive and well. Advise needed
Hi there,
I would like to preface this with that I hope there wont be any negative/berating comments. My fiance and I live in Australia. I met him after he had moved here. He has two kids in NZ and moved to Australia after family suggestion as his ex was tormenting him/causing him to be suicidal. Will go below more in detail.
He moved to Australia in 2022. He has two kids (now aged 8 and 11) in NZ which he had when he was very young. When he first told me, I was sceptical as who would move away from his children. But after seeing all the court documents, talking to his family, and meeting the mother, I realised it was probably for the best. For context, she would take him to court for heinous accusations that the court immediately threw out. This happened after the birth of his first child. He never got to be a dad and was never allowed to talk to the kids. They got back together afterwards where she said she would change (he comes from a broken family and did not want to be like his own father). They had their second child and the cycle continued. My fiance got into a very depressive state and tried to end his life. After this, his family thought it would be best for him to move away and try to get away from the manipulation. He wasn't allowed to see the kids (despite court orders of having them every second weekend and holidays/celebrations) so thought making more money in Australia and being able to send them more money would be better.
He was silly for not updating the court order once he landed here but I would also feel quite overwhelmed at the life change. He was able to video chat with them on the weekends to stay in contact.
We met in 2023, and he was still having contact via video chat. We had a holiday in NZ in 2025 where I met the kids and we bonded instantly. Seeing him with the kids was so beautiful. He is an incredibly loving father. The kids helped him propose to me, and right afterwards, they ran up to me and asked me to be their mom.
When we dropped the kids off to their moms and went back to Australia, within 24 hours, their mother went insane on us. She learned we got engaged. We were sent abusive messages, she threatened to not allow him to talk to them until they were 18 (despite even saying "I know they want to talk to you and miss you but I dont want them to"). It has now been over a year since we have even talked to them. The mother was dating (and had two more kids) with a nice man, who would help us try to stay in touch previously when she was like this. We and my fiances family sent gifts which started to ultimately be returned without being opened. However they have now broken up and she is in a relationship with someone else. We now do not know where they live to get in touch with them. We found out that she went and took my fiance off from paying child support. We arent sure why. I suspect its probably to eliminate being obliged for him to have a reason to talk, or to tell people he doesnt pay. Nevertheless we have made an account for them and put money in, so when they turn 18, we can give it to them. We still want the best for the kids.
Every week my fiance will message asking to talk to the kids. This gets ignored. Theres no avenue of communication and we have no idea if they are even okay.
We tried getting in touch with the lawyers who helped with the initial court order. They said they cannot help as they are busy.
Is there anything we can do? Do we go through lawyers in NZ or can this be done in Australia? We both miss the kids incredibly. Our wedding is in 2 weeks and we are devastated they arent there. I have no experience with this type of stuff (and have never met someone like her before so I am just confused with everything).
Again, please no belittling comments. I dont think I can handle it.