I lost the person I liked most
Hey, I want to share the story of me and my ex-boyfriend.
We were in a relationship for almost 7 months and knew each other for about 10 months in total. The talking stage started really well I liked him from the beginning. I had talking stages before him but nothing serious. He was also my first boyfriend. He seemed confident and I liked that a lot. We talked about everything and had similar interests. I’m someone who looks for “signs“ and at the time I felt like there were many signs that he was the right person for me.
At the same time I often felt like I wasn’t good enough. He told me that about a month before we started talking he had been in a talking stage with another girl. That made me very jealous because I was already insecure and had doubts.
To be honest I had also been talking to another boy about 6 weeks before him. But it wasn’t serious we never met it was long-distance and I think I liked the attention more than the person. That situation lasted maybe 2–3 months while his lasted around 6 months and they actually met in real life.
I have to admit that I lied to him about that. I told him my last talking stage was 4 months ago. I told him everything else but I made it seem like it was further in the past. I didn’t want him to think I was just replacing someone or not taking him seriously. I wanted to please him. I liked him a lot but I had low self-esteem and wasn’t confident so I lied about things that didn’t even need lying.
In December he confronted me about still having someone from my past on Instagram. We had both said we didn’t like that kind of thing. When he asked who it was I made a big mistake I kept denying it at first even though it was someone I had told him about before. Eight hours later I admitted the truth but then I lied again and said I didn’t know I still had him on Instagram. That wasn’t true. He had actually been a good friend and we had talked shortly before my boyfriend confronted me.
I wanted to be honest about still being on good terms with that person but I was afraid and kept postponing it. When I got confronted I panicked and lied even though I hadn’t actually done anything wrong. I just didn’t want to lose him and wanted him to see me as confident and “perfect.”
For months I kept up that lie. Obviously my ex had doubts and we argued every few weeks. He would get angry but he also wanted to understand me and just wanted the truth. But because I had already lied once it became harder to admit everything later. I was in a really bad mental state.
About a month ago I finally told him everything because I couldn’t carry the guilt anymore. He got very angry and said hurtful things. He was also hurt and wanted to know everything including what happened in Korfu.
A week before we met I had been on vacation in Korfu with my friends. At the beginning of our relationship he said he didn’t care about the past, which made me feel safe. My past wasn’t anything extreme just talking stages and kissing someone once in a club. He knew that.
But I lied about Korfu too. I told him I talked to a guy there and that he wanted to kiss me but I said no. The truth is I said yes and we kissed. I also said I didn’t go to an apartment with two guys but I actually did. At first I told him we just talked there, but in reality I lay in the same bed with one of them and we kissed and touched each other nothing more no sex or anything like that but still more than I admitted.
He told me he couldn’t accept that. I was terrified of losing him because I loved him. I regret those things deeply and I don’t feel like they define me. But the biggest issue wasn’t even what I did it was that I lied, more than once.
In the end he broke up with me because he couldn’t trust me anymore. And honestly that’s fair. I wasn’t being my true self. I lied and acted out of insecurity, just to make him like me more and that’s something I really regret. I was afraid of losing him and so I did big mistakes which lead to really losing him