u/gcrfrtxmooxnsmj

hi everyone, Im a 30 year old. two months ago posted about essential tremor and how it is ruining my life and how anyway I dumped everything to my fiancé to make sure she breaks up with me because I didn’t want her to attend to me when I am disabled at 40 or 45. And also I need to savour my so called good next 10 tears. But it turns out yes I do have a very light tremor, but I also have been diagnosed with illness anxiety disorder and bodily distres disorder. I've had ir since I was a kid but only blew up during that shirt relationship. the engagement fell apart however it gave me to push to actually seek something. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD primarily inattentive type and Illness Anxiety Disorder. But hard to find a psychiatrist who would assess me for ADHD rather than force me to take SSRI first. Anyway I finally did.

The avoidance of what ET would look like and just assuming it’s going to make me disabled, maybe a cycle of avoidance due to ADHD and anxiety on health. I don’t know what it is. I am posting here but at 30 everything is shook. But I am seeing some hope because things make sense in retrospect. I’m hoping at least my life isn’t a complete mess anymore.

today is the first day at work where I felt no friction no procrastination I could just think of a task and do it. I felt so calm. I used to drink a lot of caffeine and it used to make me kind of jittery and constricted blood vessels. It’s like so I got so much stuff done. It’s not like I did a lot of complex work today. It’s just all the small work taking meeting notes sending out emails checking something that takes four steps immediately instead of a lot of friction if this is how everyone feels by default no wonder it’s so much easier. They do so much stuff and they’re not depleted end of the day. I’ve been working for eight years, but still, I do not have a daily routine that helps me glide through Day but today I felt calm for the first time I thought like caffeine it will make me jittery or ultra focused but no, it just made me just reduced that friction over 150 small actions throughout the day

i’m afraid how are going to react with the thought of lost potential right now I’m observing I stall every five minutes on in a day. I just come to the complete halt. I don’t transition into next stage. I just this has been there since I was a kid so how do I ask someone like how do I deal with all the loss potential and also how do I plan my life now? I’m not I know what needs to be done. there are a lot of coping planning strategies available that I already applied to work. I just didn’t know. I needed to apply them at home also like doubling time blocking setting a deadline for importance stuff I accountable partners things like that so I’m like so lost now so I think the realization is gonna hit me like a truck about what I could’ve been if I had this 10 years ago or in college