My idealistic love for you
At first glance I was captivated,
attraction running through my veins like a primal instinct.
I was captured,
you had me,
I didn’t know.
You caught my eye with more than looks,
and soon,
unbeknownst,
my heart would follow.
Why is she different,
why is she special?
Why has my mind made perfect from something that is not?
Is it the idea I’m in love with?
It can’t be,
I’ve been hurt before.
Why lust for something just out of reach?
Do I know whom I love,
or do I love whom I’ve created?
Strangely, I feel I’ll love them both.
Does the distance keep me safe,
or am I blaming this as a reason?
Am I scared to love someone
that might not love me back?
Yes, I think I am.
Me, who is learning to love oneself
and scared that I don’t know how.
I search for something missing,
meaning or purpose.
Too many thoughts sometimes,
and yet my mind always comes back to you.
So many choices in life,
but it would feel empty without you.
I play a vision in my mind:
achieving something great,
and I look to you,
your approval is what I desire.
No one else’s, just you,
The room goes quiet.
Sometimes I’m there,
watching you mind your day.
Other times I’m you,
seeing a world different from mine.
I know I’ve met you
in another life, another time, another universe.
There is a feeling, not a thought,
between the heart and chest.
If you are quiet, you can hear it.
If you are still, you can feel it.
It’s the feeling that makes you real,
like an animal reunited with lost love,
that tickle in the throat,
the tears that sneak to your eyes.
You are that feeling for me.
I try to fight it, tell myself no,
but in that past life I made a promise, when I find you again I will never let you go.