u/flowerychildd

I'm thinking Skittles and Reece, and he/she/void/doll/bug/it/xe. :>

I kinda feel like that's a lot of pronouns- Sorry, if it is. :')

I don't like being mentally ill. I hate this. I hate how my mind is broken. I wish I wasn't mentally ill and I wish I was neurotypical, I wish my brain wasn't like this. This is hell. I just want a normal life, but it feels like I'll never have it. Sorry for the short vent.

My gender used to be fluid, but now it feels a lot more static. I seem to like perceive myself and feel feminine when doing stereotypical feminine things and going clothes shopping in the girls section. I find myself wanting to be a demiboy really badly, though. And I want to be a demigirl, too. I also have gender envy towards mainly men, but I also want to look like how the girls at my school look (I struggle with self image). Even when I try to push it down, the masculine feelings never really went away and just became more and more frequently occuring. But I still don't feel completely like a boy either. I still sometimes think of myself as a girl too though, because I'm used to being seen as one, and it just happens. It doesn't feel good sometimes, though. I worry that even if I was a demiboy or something that I'd never be able to see myself as one because of my appearance. I think, actually, that I'd be more masculine than feminine, as my feminine feelings are weak.