u/fck_ur_maga

I’m officially a week postpartum and those nine months are starting to really hit me emotionally now more then ever… my man who works hard was barely home his definitely a bag chaser and more during my pregnancy. I felt so lonely but thankfully I had my mom and our daily conversations would kept me up float but me and him would still have those conversations about feeling lonely but somehow I’d feel bad because I know his doing the right thing, but here’s where my perspective changes… we split the mortgage, he buys almost everything for me and the baby.. sometimes I don’t even pay for anything besides my bills and well my mom takes care of the house bills like WiFi and stuff we try to help each other out. He doesn’t pay my bills yet I’m at home cleaning after me and him, I deep clean everything and during my pregnancy the bathroom has so unattended we had multiple arguments over cleaning the bathroom because I obviously couldn’t… if I don’t cook he spends money buying food which I’m so over now I’ve ate about anything and everything during my pregnancy I’m ready to eat healthy again but I can’t even make myself a meal because I’m balancing sleepless nights, full time college classes, thank god I’m on maternity leave, I’m also balancing a clean home all by myself because my mom works a lot and my man well his either in the room or in the garage because his allergic to dogs… I’m also balancing a new born baby who he helps me with during the day but I’m still 75% engaged because I don’t like not helping when my baby is fussy or crying… I’m just so over it… I’m over being on “house wife duties” when he only helps me with half the mortgage, sure he buys things for the house but idk I can’t keeping doing this, we talk about it a lot but it still hasn’t changed… I hate cleaning up after him, I hate seeing his dirty clothes pile up, I hate seeing his desk cluttered, but yet he details his trucks, buys himself rims and things for his truck meanwhile I’m stuck recovering from my financial debt from two years ago… am I over exaggerating? Feels like sometimes he only works to stay out the house… his currently on maternity leave but normally his graveyard and runs a hauling business. I don’t make enough to buy myself the things I want but yet his thriving on his business which is amazing but now I’m starting to envy him. Idk I’m resenting pretty bad.. and I can’t even talk to him about it. Because I feel dumb for being mad that his thriving and making money then again our 6 year relationship has always been like this… I’ve lived in his shadow for ever, I pray and pray and ask god when will I be blessed with opportunities like these.. when will it be my turn to shine… I hate the thought of competing because his my partner were supposed to be a team…