I can no longer find literally ANY place that has 90 day fiance before the 90 days and single life except for dailymotion which almost never uploads on time. any suggestions!!!?
I have my first chapter here below (there are some minor grammar mistakes still) -- but I would appreciate genuine, hard feedback (explain as much as possible) there are so many things I don't feel I understand like Awkward sentences...etc that I want to understand by getting examples. Feel free to beta read the following:
(and if you'd like to beta read this book please send me a message, I need help, desperately!)
Chapter One
As a child, I dreamt of my life changing and of what the first day of college would bring. But now as I'm standing in my bedroom surrounded by what will soon be a memory, I realize those were the days I should have cherished.
While for others college means a new beginning, new friendships and endless parties, for me it feels like the end of everything good.
"Are you leaving yet?" my mom says, her voice breaking through my thoughts as she approaches in her white silk nightgown, the one my dad gave her a long time ago.
I don't think I'll ever not be surprised when I see her in that nightgown.
"No," I say, my voice small.
I make my way into the kitchen, my bare feet pressing against the cold tile floor while soft thuds of rain smash against the kitchen window.
My hair is still wet from feeding the animals this morning and it may as well be my version of a shower for today.
My mother follows from behind, her warm hands pressing against my cheeks as she plants a kiss on the top of my head.
I love my mom. Which is exactly why I can’t fathom leaving her here by herself, especially with her aching body and legs that can't get her far.
The thought of her somehow managing to be here all by herself while I'm six hours away is the reason I can't bring myself to leave just yet despite the fact that even if I had left an hour ago I'd arrive late.
"You hungry?" she asks sweetly, her voice smooth.
I just nod, pressing my legs to my chest and focusing on the window as my mother starts the batter for her famous pancakes.
"You know . . ." she begins, turning around as she just plops some apple pieces into the dough, mixing as hard as she can with a wooden spatula.
I turn from the window and face her instead, my chin resting on my knees.
"I know that you might think it’s hard to leave, Madison, but this is what I’ve prayed for since you were a little girl, that you get a chance—unlike I did."
Her eyes are a darker hazel than mine, but sometimes, like right now, they seem to mirror mine.
My mother has always been able to read me like a book, but I didn't expect her to understand just what I was feeling.
I know she's right, but I just can't feel it. It's like my entire life is changing, I'm leaving Ohio for the first time and moving away where I won't be able to reach my mom or Jace for God knows who long until I somehow get a phone.
All I see are memories that fill this room that I won't have this close to me anymore. The dancing in the kitchen with my mom, making pancakes, Jace coming over for sleepovers when we were children and the endless dreaming of our future together. He's been my best friend through everything and I'll forever love him for that.
"I just feel like maybe leaving isn't the right thing to do anymore," I finally manage.
My mother lets out a soft breath.
"It's the only way to make anything real out of yourself in this town and I wish nothing more for you. Just by having a degree, you'll already stand out and that's worth three short years, don't you think?" She turns to me and I nod.
I should be thankful for the scholarship I received writing letters and entering small contests, they've accumulated over a year, Jace wasn't as lucky. He would have been coming with me if it wasn't for his grandfather getting sick and his family using his college fund as a last resort. And if I can endure the first semester, Jace will be there with me before I know it.
"Okay the last of them are ready," my mom says, placing a large plate stacked with pancakes in the middle of the table.
She sits down, dragging her chair, she looks so fragile and suddenly it's like there's barber wire lodged in my throat. I swallow hard. I'll cry later.
"Ready?" she asks and I nod, placing my hands in hers as we close our eyes.
"Dear Heavenly Father thank you for the breakfast before us and for the health my mother still has, I pray that with this food you will keep us healthy and strong and support the both of us with what's to come," I say.
"That was beautiful."
I smile at my mother's words before we both dig in, silently finishing everything off our plates.
"Jace will be here soon, you should get dressed," my mom says, the apples of her cheeks a blush pink as she smiles warmly at me.
I nod, put our empty plates in the sink and head toward my room.
The paint on the walls is a faint pink that was once a bright new color, a few posters hang around my mirror and my two bags are sitting on the floor by my feet.
Resting on my bed are my mother's Jeans and top that I slip into carefully.
I’ve been saving this outfit ever since I was five and saw the way it looked on my mother, she promised to let me have it if we’d ever get lucky enough to get me into college. And thanks to my endless essay writing and entering competitions, I managed to scrape together a tuition.
I glance at myself in the silver frame mirror one last time before I leave, my hair is frizzy in certain areas and my eyes look a faint red as they hold back too many tears.
"Madison?" I hear my mom question, her voice soft as she adds, "you look beautiful."
Now I really want to collapse in a pool of my own tears.
"Thanks mom." My voice comes out as a whisper and I try not to choke as I lean into her robe for a hug.
This is where I've always felt the safest.
"You're my good Christian girl," she whispers into my ear, holding my tight in a space I never want to leave.
There's nothing more I want than to follow tradition and save myself for Jace like we used to dream about as kids when getting married and having a house big enough for our kids was our worry.
As put in my favorite gold hoops I stare down at the photo of the three of us, me, my mom and a cut out picture of where my dad used to be.
My mom suddenly presses her hand firmly on my drawer, a telltale sign her body is getting tired of standing, so before she collapses I tell her to sit down while I finish packing, and just then I spot a familiar red motorcycle out front.
The paint is old and weary, the motorcycle is more of a faint pink than a red but it's still Jace and that's all that matters.
"You should go," my mother reminds me as I grab my two backpacks, slinging one over my shoulder.
There's a part of me that wished that my dad was here to take care of my mother and kiss me on the head, telling me I'll be okay but the other part wouldn't trade this for the world.
I crack the door open, air whooshes through and my mother tucking her robe closer to her neck while I enjoy the warmth that climbs up my spine.
"Jace!" I practically yell as I race toward him, crashing against him with my arms wrapped around his neck. Oh god I'll miss him.
He hugs me back, his arms tightening against me.
Tears spring out of my eyes and I can't stop the inevitable flow.
After what feels like only a second, I manage to brush away the wet streaks off my cheeks before showcasing my outfit.
"What do you think?" I ask, doing a quick spin in an effort to show him my outfit.
He brushes his fingers through his chestnut hair as his soft green eyes stare into mine.
"You look . . ." he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. "Beautiful."
Goosebumps travel along my arms at his words and I feel the way heat rises in my cheeks, like I'm trapped in a hot room.
"Oh, Jace," I breathe, tears prickling the very corners of my eyes and causing my throat to sting the more I fight back.
"You ready?" Jace asks, giving me a side smile.
"Yeah, almost," I say before making my way back to my mother who's standing by the door watching her only daughter growing up before her eyes.
"Mom," Is all I manage to say before the tears really start to flow, there's no stopping the faucet I've unwillingly turned on.
Her warm hands pull me closer and I sob against her pink robe, my voice hoarse and my cheeks a mess of hot teardrops.
"I couldn’t be prouder of you," she whispers but her words only do more damage.
My heart physically aches over how much I'll miss my mom and Jace.
She takes my head in her hands and looks me in the eyes before planting a kiss on my forehead.
"Madison, just . . . remember everything I taught you, okay?" Her voice is soft as her brows raise, waiting for confirmation.
"I will," I nod, biting my inner cheeks to stop the tears before wiping my cheeks with my palms.
I give my mother one last hug before she smiles and waves me off to Jace who's putting his helmet on and extending a black helmet one to me.
I give my mom one last wave before the light hum of the engine comes alive and Jace twists the throttle before we're on our way.
I catch a glimpse of my mother slowly making her way back inside as Jace and I disappear amongst the Ohio fields.
I lean my head against his back, taking in the scent that I can only describe as Jace, it's the softest hint of pine, cold summer nights and very faint after shave.
"You know what I’ll miss most?" Jace asks through the low humming of his grandfather's motorcycle.
"Hm?" I just breathe as I let Ohio zoom past my vision in a blur.
"I'll miss that spot with our swing. You know the one we used to sit in as kids, talking about what our future would look like. It meant a lot to me."
"It almost feels like that was yesterday." I chuckle as we pass by the swing, it always felt so far from my house but it turns out it was just a couple of minutes away.
After a long pause of silence we finally arrive to a small train station which will take me most of the way to UVA.
When the motorcycle comes to a halt my hands feel tight from holding onto Jace the entire time, wrapped around his abdomen.
“We’re here,” he states before putting the kickstand on and hopping off the motorcycle, helping me do the same.
The train isn’t here yet and I’m thankful for the extra minutes I get with Jace.
He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he parts his lips to speak, gravel crunching beneath his feet.
"I have something for you," he says, smiling away.
He digs into his pockets for a split second. "Turn around.
I obey, feeling something small and cold land on my neck. A necklace.
I look down, fiddling with the small heart-shaped charm on my neck.
"It's a blue heart charm . . . you know Charm, Ohio and everything," he says and I giggle.
I lean into a tight hug, catching him off guard, I can hear his breath hitch but he wraps his arms around me, tightening his grip like he doesn't ever want to let go.
I sink into his hug, resting my ear against his chest, he's only been slightly taller than me for a few years and I'm still not fully used to it.
The rhythm of his heart beat soothes me and reminds me that I'm home, exactly where I need to be. I close my eyes against the sound, memories flashing behind my lids in what always feels golden. The memories of Jace and I on the swing, Ohio fields in basking in the sun and Jace proposing with a popsicle when we were five and telling me I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and that when we'd be old enough to be adults he'd marry me. I wanted nothing more, so we ran to his mother's house where my mom was drinking tea and told them all about it. My mom bent down to my eyelevel and told me that her and Jace's mother, Nancy had been talking about how in the future it may wise for our familiar to arrange a marriage between us but since we had decided it ourselves it was all the better.
"Madison . . . you know . . ." Jace trails off, detaching from the hug and pulling me out of my safe place.
"I know we've been friends for a long time, but I . . ." His green eyes meet mine. "I've been . . . I guess I just want you to know that I—"
His voice stops at the sound of a sharp whistle and the hard repetition of thu-dum as a heavy metal train approaches, air hissing loudly when it finally decides to stop.
We're both fixated on the train as it silently forces us to say our goodbyes.
"What were you going to say, Jace?" I ask, his eyes meeting mine again, but they're different now, like the moment is gone.
"Just promise me you'll be the same Madison when I visit in a few weeks, okay?" I smile at his words and nod.
"Of course, Jace, It's us against the world, remember?" I offer, a side smile that I can hardly pull.
"Promise me you'll get a phone eventually?" His brows raise and I nod again.
"I promise."
There's nothing that could ever pull me away from Jace.
I give him one last wave just like I did with my mother before I step onto the train and maybe it's just my imagination but I see a certain glossiness to his eyes as if he too is holding back tears. But I'd be wrong, because the Jace I know would never cry. Even as kids, when he would hurt his ankle or skin his knee I never even saw a tear skate down his cheek.
Jace hands me my backpack and our fingers brush, I just want to hold onto him but I can't.
"Bye Madison."
"Goodbye Jace."