i’ll kill myself on 10th of june
i was holding on to my ex and he was the only reason that kept me alive. i believed that we’d reconnect and he’ll come back, but almost a year has passed after our breakup and nothing has changed. for the past year i kept waiting for a wonder that will fix my life but it’s useless.
i can’t see myself and my future without him. i know that it’s sounds extremely stupid and childish but it’s true. i’ve been feeling this way every day for 3.5 years and i know that it won’t go away. i thought that eventually i’ll be fine and things will change, that he will notice me and we’ll be together again.
now i understand that it’s only my problem and i have to solve it. my last day of exams will be on 5th of june and i’ll give myself a bit of time to prepare everything like notes and stuff. i want to pass my exams to prove that i was something besides my pain and sadness. i wrote letters to my closest ones and i still have to figure out how to give them out, do i have to ask my parents to do that? please give me advice if you have some.
i’ll try to move on during this month and forget about all the sadness and grief. if i’ll be able to forget him and really move on from our relationship and him, then i’ll change my mind and burn these letters. i’ll live the way i always wanted to live and be happy with my life.
yesterday was my birthday and i didn’t really wanna live to it, but it is what it is. i celebrated it with my friends, we had a great sleepover and it was nice to have fun knowing that i won’t be able to experience anything, both good and bad. in a month. i want to really live up to life and enjoy the last days, even though it will be hard to do with the exams and upcoming deadlines, but i’ll try.