The sacrificial lamb
"Everything is a failure. Palpak ka."
Those words hurt. Like a knife stabbed to my heart a hundred times over.
For someone who has nearly sacrificed even my health, just because I genuinely want the success of this event, these words don't just sting. They torture.
When you've worked so hard for something for so many months, and at some point even sacrificed your mental health for it, hearing those words from someone who has not seen barely an hour of your relentless nights, is downright injustice. To do it in front of everyone whose trust you've spent years earning is beyond humiliating. And then to deliberately ignore the bulk of what you accomplished is just downright degrading.
I've always been told not to take residency training personally, but this. This is my blood, sweat & tears. To say to my face that none of it mattered in the end, and to mercilessly tell me in front of everyone that I'm a failure, is simply something that I cannot NOT take personally.
Residents are humans. I am human. And I've poured my soul into this work because that's what doing my best looks like. To be a resident does not mean to strip myself of all that makes me human. To treat me with dignity despite being a trainee is a reasonable demand.
I did not fail. You failed me.