Feeling good…and scared to regain
I’ve been pretty heavy for most of my adult life. Over the last ~3 years, I’ve busted my butt and worked with a good therapist and am down to the lightest I’ve been since I was an undergrad. It’s amazing. I fit in seats. I fit in clothes. I’ve been able to stop taking Aleve for chronic inflammation. There’s still work to be done, both physically and mentally, but I actually feel so good. And I’m terrified.
I’m a chronic yo-yo dieter. I’ve lost weight and gained it back so. many. times. Never this much, never this slowly, never this intentionally, but still. Part of my brain is terrified I’m going to self-sabotage. I’m getting ready to go back to school for an MSW and I know it’s going to be stressful af. I’m going to be working full time. I’m almost 50 ffs. But I don’t ever want to get back to that weight. 195 feels so much better than 300, I can’t even. I look at photos of myself now and recognize myself for the first time in 20 years. I’m also a little worried about going the other way. I don’t want to be an enemy with my own body anymore, not because I’m heavy or because I want to be skinny. I just want to be healthy as I can be.
Idk, this is kind of a scream into the void and kind of a plea for a pep talk. Any words of wisdom and support would be so appreciated.