help please
hi so im having a really hard time with understanding what romantic love even is and its completely messing me up. so im not ace but i litterally have no distinction between the "types of love i feel" like i feel the same love for my family and my friends and its a huge amount like i love the people in my life so so so much but like i said there is no difference. but every relationship ive been in has felt off, like really off. like i was always missing something and no matter what i did i couldnt make like it feel like more than it felt to me. Like the love i felt for those people felt the same as all the other love i feel. My friends explained it like different catagories of love and it "should" feel different and it most likely doesnt feel different for me because of my neurodivergencies. And the point is if i decided to could i be in a relationship with no romantic attraction. i want like to have someone to choose yaknow i grew up with romcoms ive been indoctrinated into thinking that i need to have someone to love me and if i dont im worthless. and i mean sometimes i think im never gonna enter a relationship and im okay with that but other times i want a special someone yaknow but i cant think of any other reason of why that person would be more "special" than everyone else in my life if its not just choosing them over other people to spend my life with. Because i dont think i would like them more than any one else or like i would feel something different for them than everyone else we just mutually agree that were the one each other wants to spend forever with or whatever. but what makes that different from a romantic relationship? am i not aro? im so confused please give me your opinion thanks!