Emotional regulation
So I'm currently going through an absolutely gut wrenching break up, I understand I need to feel the pain and I'm not even trying to run from it at this point I just wish it wasn't literally 24/7 no matter what I do I can't escape the crushing feeling in my chest I fall asleep with it I wake up in a panic I dream about it every single night I just CANNOT get a fucking grip whatsoever no matter how hard I try. I have raging attachment issues, I always have. He was my safe person and I am just absolutely fucking losing it.
I talked to my mom about it and she says the thinks about of the problem is that when I was a baby my mom worked 16 hour shifts in the ER so it ultimately made more sense have my dad stay at home and take care of me full time rather than dealing with daycare costs. The problem with this was my dad being an overly concerned helicopter parent. I don't fault him for it, it ultimately came down to love and concern for me but I was never left to learn to self soothe properly. This has been a problem my whole life and being an empath does NOT help.
So with this breakup, not only can I feel my devastation, I can feel his. Constantly. My life feels like an endless suffocating loop and I've tried researching I've tried the somatic therapy I've tried EMDR I've tried CBT I've tried every deep breathing and grounding technique fucking imaginable to no avail. I'm even medicated and have been in therapy since I was like 9 or 10. If you've made it this far thank you for reading. Genuinely I've been needing to get this out for a long time any advice is greatly appreciated but it feels good to just type it out to a community I'm sure will understand. Thank you.