I know. cold turkey is not advised. I am sharing this because there is a lack of information online other than the warning not to do it.
Here is what I am dealing with, ranked from the most obvious to me to the least (Some or many of what I outline may not have anything to do with my withdrawal symptoms) :
-Irritability. I am not currently constantly irritable, quite the opposite actually. but when it hits, it hits hard and fast. and by hard and fast, I mean irrational. I can see that I am irritated and I can see that I am being irrational, but I can not help it. Almost like out of body.
-emotional. I am a late 40's male that doesn't get very boohooy. last night and today, reminiscing on a couple of simple stories have made me well up. tonight I got into an argument with my wife. the mood swings that I am feeling did not help, but I do not think that the withdrawal is to blame. Because of the argument, while grilling up dinner I had to walk away to cry - side note on this is that is saddens me a bit typing this knowing that not one person in my life will ever know this because 'men don't cry'. Again... not my M.O. Also, today I was cut off, and then brake checked, by a douche in a Tesla. Had to slam on my brakes and was within probably just a couple of inches of hitting him. When I was back up behind him again and we were both stopped, i got out and smashed the side of my fist against his window yelling that he almost made me hit him. I drive a lot and generally pride myself in brushing off other drivers habits... not my proudest moment. quite the rush though!
-Energy. I wake up and actually want to get up. I have craved a bike ride or small workout or dog walk the last few days.
-Anxiety. Not crippling though. i can move through it and face what is weighing on me. It feels like the anxiety is at a higher frequency.
-focused. Not hyper-focused like my ADHD wants me to get. but like, do the work in front of you on your desk focused.
-Dry back of throat. Like I have been mouth breathing all day
-Stuffy nose. No mucus, just stuffy. A co-worker asked if I was sick from how I sounded.
-I have woken up the last couple of nights and had a difficult time getting back to sleep.
-I have been sort of itchy in the mornings. my own nail marks across my back out of the shower. That may just be from the dry climate I live in combined with the time of year.
-Happiness. I have been very happy the last couple of days (except for when I'm not,ha) especially today. combining this with the irritability, and I am going to watch closely and bring in outside help if I feel like maybe I am some level of manic.
-Brain zaps, but I don't think they are more frequent than they were before. Quite rare.
-My dreams have been pretty great.
I really do feel happier and much more full of energy. I do wonder if the antidepressant actually made me want to stay in bed and be a bit of a zombie. This is only day 4. Time will tell.
Now for a bit of an explanation of why I quit and what I am working with.
I started taking Wellbutrin probably a half dozen years ago. I went to a walk in clinic and after a few questions I was handed a prescription. She did the right thing, I was depressed. I think that I have dealt with depression much of my life, I just refused to admit it to myself and came from a family that didn't believe that it could be possible.
A year and a half ago I started going to therapy, because the Wellbutrin was not the magical pill that I wanted it to be. Very quickly, my therapist made me aware that she believed that I had ADHD. I did not want to believe it at first, because the last thing I wanted to accept was that there was something else wrong with me. But after doing a deep dive into it, it was obvious. Turns out my parents were informed of this when I was a teenager, but they don't believe in ADHD. I often wonder how my life would be different if I had been taught at a younger age how to deal with the drawbacks and the strengths of ADHD. But I digress.
So I at that time started with a low doses of vyvance after being put through a bunch of blood work and such. through the normal trial and error, my doctor and I worked up to 50mg of vyvance. Sometimes I will toss in an extra 10-20 mid day depending on what my work day and evening are going to look like so that I am not crashing too hard when I have to deal with real life issues at 8-9-10:00.
She, my doctor, switched me over to viibryd from the wellbutrin once we had my vyvance dose figured out. The main reason for this was my low libido. hitting your mid/later 40's combined with antidepressants does not do wonders for one's sexy life.
So we transitioned over and it was tough at first but levelled off. That basically gets us to where we are right now. I hate to admit it, but I was listening to that frog voiced american, kennedy, talk about ssri's and it did make me question what am I doing. Have I become someone that just blames his issues on an imbalance rather than trying to actually deal with them? The answer is an easy yes. I went from not wanting to admit that I was depressed and not wanting to admit that I had ADD to telling myself that it's ok if I fail at things (life) because of it.
I may have been more open to kenney's words because my doctor had recently (a couple of months ago) tried to switch me from Vyvance to Foquest due to the Forquest lasting longer into the evening. What a wild and rough ride that couple of weeks was. anger/depression/oversleeping. It opened my eyes to the fact that not all of these drugs are doing the right things to your brain. I really think that Vyvance helps me. Foquest on the other hand was 100% bad for the wiring in my brain. It has now been long enough that I have been taking these antidepressants that I actually do not know if they are good or bad for me
On Saturday, I slept in longer than I would like to admit. So I didn't take my vyvance at all. not big deal, there was nothing pressing that day. yard work and watching hockey can be accomplished without it. But I also did not take the Viibryd. Was that on purpose? I don't know. But the next day when I did take my Vyvance but kept that little 40mg viibryd in it's bottle, it was on purpose. I don't think I had actually made a set decision at that point to quit the antidepressant. But now that I am at the end of day 4, I am no longer kidding myself about this. I am trying to quit.
I believe that there is a real possibility that my depression stems from not understanding my ADHD. And I feel that the only way to find that out is to treat the ADHD without treading the depression. By quitting cold turkey, I will get to feel a sharper and more sudden change and the hope is that I will not question what was the drug and what was me.
Maybe this turns out tougher than I want it to and I have to go back on and antidepressant. but my hope is to eventually get off of any and every prescription drug that I can, including the vyvance.
My doctor is not aware that I am doing this, and she will not be happy with me.
My wife is not aware that I am doing this, but she is never happy with me, haha.
If anyone on Reddit reads this, then you are the only ones aware that I am doing this. I will update how I am doing in the coming weeks, and then maybe again in the coming months for anyone that is dealing with these same kind of issues in the hope that maybe it will help someone in some way. But if you are reading this, please remember that what when it comes to these drugs that affect our brain so strongly, always follow your doctor's instructions. The geniuses that are making these drugs don't really understand the brain well enough to instruct us how to take them, so do not think for a second that I somehow do.
Do not take anything that I am saying as advice. Take it for what it is, an honest and open account of how coming off of it affects me, and only me.