u/ctrl_terminal

i just got through my first month of muay thai and wanted to ask y’all for tips on being more confident and how to put more power into the moves

i dont know why but i cant bring myself to punch or kick anyone full force and/or don’t know when it’s appropriate to do so. and sometimes when a more experienced partner returns, damn, the power behind their moves hurt but also i’m like amazed at how strong and fast they are. i’m also so shit at defending myself but i know just eating some punches and kicks will help my tolerance anyway. i feel an immense amount of guilt if i hurt someone even though it’s a combat sport and that’s the point!!

how do i get over this? i had an amazing partner today who told me to stop underestimating myself but i low kicked her KNEE and was so mad at myself for kicking the wrong spot and kept apologizing. she brushed it off and told me i needed to just keep going and stop apologizing lol. i also had another partner tell me i was too nervous and have to relax. i dont know what she means exactly though, like relax where? and how? 😭

so i’m 30F, late diagnosed autistic, adhd, and ocd and have been training for only two weeks. we just got into teeps and clinching.

before that, i would spend 20 minutes after class scrubbing my feet, under toe nails, disinfecting all gear, disinfecting next pair of shoes or sandals i wear, sanitizing my hands, phone, water jug handle, hypochlorous face spray, then head out. i normally sit in a corner away from everyone when i do this so i’m not in anyones way but i do so bc the bottom of my feet get so dirty since i started and it breaks my focus during class. then teeps lesson started and i have this immediate complete body shut down the moment someone’s disgusting feet come in contact with me especially if they have visible unkept toenails. i normally close my eyes the moment they lift their feet but i know this is not sustainable if i want to be competition level. clinches make me gag because the persons sweat is transferring to my face and now i have both my sweat and their sweat dripping down my face. i internalize everything and inside i am on my knees screaming as if i’ve lost a loved one in a battle of war (very cinematic and very dramatic, i know)

my desire to be proficient in MT is higher than my contamination OCD, i could really use some tips on how to not let these things affect my advancement if anyone has any…

would it be frowned upon to wear those toeless pilates grip socks? i feel like asking the floor be cleaned before our class will be interpreted as entitlement and if i clean it, it would also come off wrong…

for some context, i have audhd and the adhd is so severe. i took a cybersecurity boot camp after no luck getting employed after college. i keep forgetting all the fundamentals and what all the acronyms and models mean/are for but trying to push myself to practice pentesting.

maybe this belongs in netsec ?? but i want to make a home lab just for practicing ethical hacking, what kind of hardware do i even start with? thinking of going to government public auctions to swipe their throwaway pc’s 😂

please be nice i just want to be better so i can get better employment and feed my baby 😭