u/compassion25

I’m not even in my Saturn return, but I’m having a horrible life and am still living in an abusive house with my abusive mother who has kept me financially dependent on her. I’ve been rejected from all jobs and even got kicked out of university ( one of the best in the world) for depression. I am in the process of appealing and trying to re-enrol. I am also in therapy, and had my spiritual awakening at 22, but despite trying to evolve and better myself and develop myself, I’ve made no progress and cant even hold down a job.

I want to know, has anyone had a dramatic transformation. I always hear about how bad things get when they hit their Saturn return, and I can’t imagine things getting any worse than they are right now. I would probably kill msyelf if I had to go through more pain, and have had suicide attempts in the past

I want to know has Saturn return brought an amazing life to anyone who has suffered for all their life.

Can life turn around and we have a breakthrough in this same lifetime. If we had abuse for 20years and became mentally ill, can things change overnight

I have been facing the same circumstances for a while now, I have understood what I needed to, but am stuck in the same position, no friends, no relationship, no education, stuck in my abusive home for 26 years now. I just want to understand am destined for a hard life, no matter how hard I push myself out of my comfort zone and try to better myself, I never get anywhere or closer to my goals. It feels as if all doors are shutting in my face.

Does life magically switch up at different moment in time and things get really good, or do I just accept fate. I don’t have a chronic illness, but I have had rejection from everything that could push me forward. Job rejection, education rejection, friend rejections. Do I give up, because the more I try, the worse it gets and I have more doors shut in my face.

Let’s say I got terminated from university because I was depressed and didn’t sit my exams. Does this mean I should give up on my dream of getting a degree. Am I allowed to appeal, having taken the steps to become a better person and improve my mental health. I don’t understand, I can’t keep living the same life. Do I just leave and move to another country and take up service/ retail work to try and get by. I don’t understand.

A few years ago, I started to understand why I was so depressed, this was a result of my childhood abuse and manifested into severe trauma and cptsd throughout my early 20s till present.

I took to self help books and went down a spiritual path. I was trying to understand why I was in so much mental pain and the symptoms of my childhood trauma which later manifested into CPTSD.

I found a therapist very recently, as I knew I needed professional help, as I lost the will to live, I couldn’t do basic tasks and had to withdraw from university. I found someone amazing and had only been with this therapist for a month, we connected very quickly and she was also well read on the work of Greg braden, dr joe dispenza and more spiritual teachings about consciousness. She gave me hope that I could move forward in life and we set out a framework of what I wanted to achieve, and she let me know that we would get there. A few days ago she passed away suddenly, and I have been a mess ever since.

She was a lifeline to me, and i really thought I was going to be able to work with her and turn my life around. It’s incredibly hard to find a therapist, so to find someone who was not only trained in abuse and trauma, but was also awake and conscious of the spiritual side of life, really allowed for a deeper connection. She understood me so well, and never judged me for the effects of my trauma such as isolation etc. nor did she push me to snap out of it, she was gentle and we were taking it step by step, with an end goal in mind.

I am devastated she is gone and don’t know how I will move forward without her guidance and support.

What does this mean on a soul level. I can’t make sense of it. I’ve been crashing out and can’t even get out of bed. I’ve battled severe CPTSD from childhood for two decades, and just as I was making a change for the better, I’m back to square one.