u/cinnashinobi

Please don’t flame me. I have no one else to speak to about this.

Preface this by saying, I’m attracted to and open to dating men of all racial groups.
I’m an unambiguous brown skinned lady , born and raised in the States and family is Southern African.

When I date minority men , I have significant problems. Most recently it was a Brazillian man who got weird about me not being “American American” and sent laughing emojis saying I look like I’m from Madagascar (nothing wrong with Malagasy people, but I did block him becase what’s funny???). He looked like he could have a fully black parent and followed very white ladies (when I saw this, I already planned my exit).

I tend to have this same or similar experience, where if I date a man who is not fully white, there seems to be an ingrained racial hierarchy in their minds, which is projected onto me or the dating experience, then when I don’t adhere to whatever invisible rules they have, they lose their minds. Same thing happened when I had a Mexican boyfriend (who yelled how police couldn’t arrest him bc he was a white boy - I was 17 and had to learn a lot of things on my own). He would get angry about me being in college and put me down by saying his people are naturally twice as smart as my people , especially because he speaks two languages. He later became a soundcloud rapper bragging about bagging a white girl. He has been blocked for years now.

My longest relationship was with a black guy, my college sweetheart. Sadly we did not last, but outside of him I have been called ugly to my face consistently by unambiguous black or mixed with black men my whole life.

It feels like some of these men can be physically attracted to me but hate that they are, and take it out on me at the same time. That or they genuinely believe I’m ugly and feel emboldened to tell me (from unambiguous black men).

I was open to all races of men but this has become so exhausting. The single group of men that have never behaved like this towards me are white men. I’m not pedestalizing them at all. I’ve had my fair share of toxic white men too. But never once has a white man had the audacity to tell me I’m ugly, project weird hierarchy invisible rules openly onto me or in our relationship or been afraid to be seen with / date me openly.

It’s a shame. I guess this is growing up. I came to terms a long time ago that my husband is probably going to be white. I genuinely feel attraction to everyone, but if non white men feel like they can “do better” by being with a white lady, I would rather choose peace and only date white. Safe to say, my Hinge has set racial preferences and all now, and I’ve been having a really good experience since doing this.

I had to get this off my chest.