u/cherry_wants

Helloooooo I just wanna, I don't know. Just a little scared of the cancer already spreading since I can't start chemo yet.

For context, I was diagnosed March 7 last month. HR+ Her2- Grade 1 multicentric tumors, no lymph node involvement, no nothing.

Was supposed to start chemo April 13, but we had to move it to April 20 since:

1. Have a lot of dental procedures to finish (Dentist must take out all of my wisdom teeth and my previous root canal got infected) so I need time to heal and recover per my MO; and

2. Need to get Zoladex shots 1-2 weeks before we start chemo.

So today I went to my dentist, hoping that I will be able to finish all procedures today even if it takes me all day, but then alas, they can't do everything today. I need to return on Tuesday to finish all procedures. Ugh. The dismay on my face when my dentist told me we can't do it all today. She told me I should've come at an earlier date, but ma'am your clinic was closed for a week due to recent holidays kdjaskdljaslkd and I have work! Work literally pays for all of these procedures. But I get what she means.

Plus, I will only get my Zoladex on Monday at an uncertain time we aren't even sure when. Maybe morning, maybe evening, IDK. Maybe even the next day. Then I have to schedule with my nurse when she'll give it to me, which, at this point, might be on Wednesday.

Ughhhh all these delays are killing me--hopefully not literally!!!

With the way things are going, I think I'd be able to start on April 27.

That's like what, more than a month since I was diagnosed. Who knows what could've happened during the delay.

I even opted not to do egg preservation since it will delay the start of chemo by 2 months, at least. My MO said if I elect to do preservation, she would already order a PET/CT Scan ahead of time to check if the cancer has already spread, due to the delay in starting treatment.

It's just so frustrating, really. I'm doing my best to finish everything immediately so I can already start, but alas, I have to wait a little more.

I'm getting my Zoladex medications *maybe* this Monday, I just ordered it today. I'm getting one per month a week before my infusions.

My MO had me order it from a *separate* pharmacy than the hospital, and I think I'd have to store it myself...? I bought all 6 that my MO provided in my Rx since I want to get it done with and never come back to that pharmacy since it's a little far away from where I am...

I have a nurse who will inject it to me every month, but I think I'd have to store it myself? I mean...how?

The pharmacy agent guy (he's not a pharmacist, just an agent lol) told me that I should refrigerate it away from other food in the middle of the fridge or something...

How'd you store yours? or DID you actually store yours??

So I'll start chemo soon, 8 cycles of AC-T, and when my mom (🤣) asked about fertility preservation, my MO actually gave me the option to do egg freezing first or get Zoladex. However, if I choose to do egg preservation, the start date of my chemo will be pushed back.

Today I let her know that I'd rather go the Zoladex route.

What should I expect?

I've read here that it's given prior to chemo, but I think she plans on doing it at the same time as my first infusion? (no details from her yet since our PMs were brief)

What are the side effects? I also read that it's a big honking needle SO wahahaha I think I'll be fine, I imagine it to be as big as the core biopsy needle, which I did not feel thanks to some lidocaine :D Can I get lidocaine again lol hahaha

This is just a crazy vent, just hear me out

Since my dx and all the appointments etc, I've been alone. And I prefer being alone, it allows me to think and be in control of everything, I like it that way.

But of course, I know I can't do it alone and I'd need at least some form of help along the way, so I have to tell my parents. First meeting with my MO, she also requested that my family attend my next appointment with her.

We had that second appointment today, AND BOYYYYY WAS IT STRESSFUL FOR ME! I was not comfortable AT ALL. This was the most stressed I've been ever since I was diagnosed! It was basically my mom and my MO talking. My mom asked all the questions, even asked questions that I know the answer to and should be asked to my surgeon. That was the most stressful situation ever. Didn't even have the opportunity to ask my own questions, my mom asked all the questions. I was too uncomfortable. UGH I know she means well and she's just very very concerned. But that's not what I need. I'd rather they, specifically my mom, to stay aside. I want to talk to my doctors alone.

Now she wants to talk to my surgeon also. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. I will talk to my doctor alone. Like, I don't want my mom anywhere near my surgeon. I hope my surgeon never asks for my family to come with me, and that my MO never asks for my family again. Everything about today was absolutely stressful. I know my mom just feels like she needs to do something for me, but the thing is I don't need anything from her right now. I need her to maybe stay quiet and just pray for me. I will definitely reach out to her when I need help. AGGGGHHHHH this is the worse day I've had since being diagnosed.

I just feel so shitty. I had a list of concerns I want to ask my MO but was too uncomfortable already, I just wanted our session to end. My mom did ask *some* of the questions on my list but not all. Fuck this. What can I have her do to feel involved but in the way that I'm still in control of everything or something.

My mind's all over the place AAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Financially I don't even need her help yet. I will absolutely tell her when I need her, but like, not now, I guess???? Not in this way? Plz leave me be T_T

AHHHHH I'M SO STRESSED you can tell me I have a second cancer and I'll be totally fine and chill (I'm exaggerating plz I'm kidding :D), but I don't want to go through that ever again.

This is probably my tenth post this week (exaggerating)

Anyways, as the title says, to chemo or not to chemo?

For context, I'm 30 and was diagnosed with HR+/PR+ and Her2-Negative BC. Grade 1, but multicentric. No lymph node involvement per breast ultrasound. Largest is around 2.8cm, also per the ultrasound. In the CT Scan it appeared 2.4cm, so honestly IDK. I don't have a KI-something score since that wasn't tested, idk if it's not common from where I am. No oncotype score also, that I'm pretty sure is not yet available here.

My surgeon wants me to do neoadjuvant chemo first to possibly shrink the tumor, first she mentioned so that I'd have more options if I want to preserve some of my boob, second since she is really not sure if my multicentric shits are actually two separate tumors or just one big one. When I met her again, she reevaluated and since I have two tumors, she would need to do mastectomy and lumpectomy was off the table. I don't mind the mastectomy, in fact it was my choice from the start, double even! In hopes that I can get bigger boobs with reconstruction haha! (just one cup higher, from A to B probably hahaha)

MO set me up for 8 cycles of AC then T.

The real question in my head is that, if I'm no longer a candidate for lumpectomy, then why the need for neoadjuvant chemo? If she's gonna take them all out? There are also masses in my non-cancer boob but we aren't sure if they're cancerous since we only biopsied in the shitty titty, surgeon told me that if it's cancer, it will respond to chemo.

BUUUUT LIKE I read that my type of cancer does not really react to chemo well since it's slow growing and not that aggressive, and chemo attacks the really aggressive ones. So will I have any benefit from this?

I'm willing to go through this if there is some benefit, but if there's none, then whyyyyyyyy?

Both my MO and Surgeon seems to want to treat me aggressively because of my age, too. They both mentioned since I'm young, cancer tends to be more aggressive. Is that why we're being aggressive with my treatment? I'm meeting with my MO this Tuesday, and I don't know if I should "pick up a fight" or submit to her judgment. Don't get me wrong tho, I trust my doctors very much, I really feel like I'm in good hands.

(Update for those who remember me from my previous post, my "nest" is doing pretty nice haha :P)

EDIT: If anyone who's also ER+/PR+ and Her2- have stories about chemo working for them, I'd love to hear it. Extra motivation! :D