just saw a post on sh sub about west hating ciara and wants to add this tt bc it really shows the cracks in his mask.

it’s so clear he only ever apologized to her so he could be “comfortable” w the new girls, not because he hurt her. before ciara gets there he tells everyone how scared he is and seems friendly with the girls. after ciara reads him, he seems more upset that he can’t go room to room grabbing butt and pulling hair.

i knew from the “slap” he claimed ciara did that he was set on villainizing her the whole season. she’s the big scary wolf and he was just a nice guy, trying his best, that made a few mistakes along the way, being unjustly crucified. the glare at the dinner table was also a little chilling, he truly wanted to crash out but knew the new girls would think he was an ass. i kept wondering what he’s holding in, but he says it all to amanda after some drinks.

he truly thinks he is a good guy because he doesn’t yell at women on camera. like paige said “the bar is on the floor for men”. west and his ego are the only couple in love.

imagine going around crying to everyone about ciara not sleeping with you (bc they think you’re not sleeping with anyone) and encouraging them to harass her about it. also, if you say you’re not having sex with other people to gain access to sex with someone who wouldn’t have sex with you otherwise, that’s coercion and disgusting.

pt 1: setting the scene

the existing insecurities with west are:

- he comes on the show after having a college football career

- did some sports broadcasting but unemployed when the show starts

- his whole plot line is ciara and finding a job

- age gap (ciara says she dates guys at least 7 years older than west)

- not used to having to put as much effort in to get a girl

- surface level attraction to black culture

- when ciara gets the modeling contract, his words are minimal, just congrats etc. when he gets the complex job, he has paige read the email to everyone, strips down, jumps in the pool, and they cheer. he needed all that attention to feel adequate enough for her, and still isn’t in her league. he did not have the excitement for her that she had for him. his confessional was about her relationships taking a hit because of the travel.

the existing insecurities with amanda are:

- kyle says ciara would be his hall pass

- kyle has cheated on her and dismissed the weight

- amanda has expressed her insecurities with her body in earlier seasons

- group consensus that ciara is all around the sexiest every guy wants her etc

- no identity outside of loverboy (brought to her attention by ciara and paige)

- her own swim line didn’t do super well

- she wanted a house and business of her own (ciara has both)

- guys jump through hoops to get with her (and she doesn’t lower the bar for them)

pt 2: ciara doesn’t fit in their box/ play her role

- west interprets boundaries as rejection or hurdle

something to overcome, not honor

- ciara doesn’t have sex without commitment

- they wait 6+ weeks and he says he feels pigeonholed by not being able to have sex but being asked about exclusivity (they aren’t exclusive)

- he asks paige and amanda when they have sex with a guy (trying to point out how weird it is that ciara hasn’t had sex with him yet)

- he says he thinks there’s something keeping her from doing it. but he’s not sure what… (he feels he’s earned it)

- he is happy when jesse asks ciara when she’s gonna sleep with west

-west is “fine taking things slow” but also “didn’t come to a share house to be celibate) **note he admitted at the reunion he was sleeping with other girls that summer, so with all the complaining about being celibate, it was only ciara he wasn’t getting sex from, not all his other flirtations.

- amanda interprets boundaries as a threat

- believes theres a certain amount of compromise every woman has to make for a man

- ciara holds her standards, and the men respect her more for it

- amanda tolerates behavior, lets people steamroll her, and even the women don’t respect her voice (danielle walking away after paige stops talking)

- she watches men (including her husband) treat her differently

-kyle is able to empathize and validate ciara’s pain but can never see amanda’s. he cried when she cried. he defends her when she’s not even there.

-ciara proves the treatment amanda accepts is a choice, because her husband has the capacity to be better, but knows she’ll accept the same.

pt 3: west playing the part with no intent to commit

- west plays a typical “nice guy” role

- he makes big romantic gestures (horseback riding, meeting family, date to family wedding), tells everyone his intentions are pure, calls her his girlfriend to others, says he’s never felt like this with anyone else, etc.

- he performs sincerity but can’t follow thru when ciara asks straight up what he wants. their goals are not compatible.

- they are a catch 22. ciara only wanted sex with commitment, west wants sex without commitment. everyone was talking like it was just two people who didn’t work out, but he went in knowing her crystal clear intentions, knew his were different, and proceeded to sleep with her after setting the scene of a relationship. anything west did to sleep with her after knowing he wasn’t going to commit was wrong.

- amanda sides with the narrative that protects men, even when it harms women like her

- she comforts west at the break at reunion, tells him now it’s over he can be silly, they both shrivel up under the light of accountability. west mumbles and blushes and amanda cries.

**-**West doesn’t just lose romantic control…he gains clout through Ciara, and then resents that visibility being tied to her instead of him. 

part 4: ciara is the prize…and she knows it

-everyone who meets him tells him he better be careful with ciara

-he has no job or story line outside of ciara and jesse

- andy introduced west at his fist reunion as jesse’s “other half”

- wests frequently notes how happy ciara was how much she laughs, he loves hearing her friends tell him she likes him

- because she’s a slow burn, it’s a big bump to his ego

- west wanted ciara but not at the cost of only being known for being with her

-he said he couldn’t date her for show related reasons

- he said he couldn’t stand that everything he was tagged in or written about had to do with ciara

- said paige had no business asking him if he’s sleeping with other people, but had no issue with jesse asking ciara when she was gonna have sex with west

-he wanted to be with her until he realized the audience and all their friends saw him as punching above his weight.

-when west is staying in ciara’s bedroom he asks is he should just move his stuff in there for the rest of summer, she says don’t get ahead of yourself. he thinks she should be jumping at the chance. girls probably beg him to sleepover.

pt 5: rewriting the narrative

- west claims he understands why ciara is hurt but contradicts it by denying he used her or that she got the short end of the stick

- he thinks it just worked out that he got what he wanted and she should be satisfied because he played the part of the man he knew she wanted. he blames her for believing him.

- when ciara says “i got got” he rolls his eyes and goes “pfft” shaking his head

-he talked to the NYT instead of ciara because all he cares about is public perception

- minimized the relationship retroactively

- he said he was jealous of jesse originally but then he had a really bad first weekend so he changed his mind

- after ciara doesn’t want to hug him and moves his hand from her, he tell kyle and jesse, and they all discuss how much of an overreaction it is from her. he claims he understands why she’s hurt but also believes he’s shown enough remorse to have physical access to her again.

- amanda listens to west vent about ciara saying he used her and agrees he’s paid his dues

- west blows up s 9 and s 10 because he’s been so cautious and thoughtful of ciara and he’s still being crucified.

- west manages to see himself as the victim even after making out with the girl next to ciara because he’s been walking on metaphorical eggshells around her while she’s been cuddling with jesse for two years (under the covers)!! by wests current logic, even if she had sex with jesse, he should’ve been fine with it.

- he blatantly disregarded her feelings, acknowledging it in the moment, then gaslights and dismisses her feelings when amanda brings it up

- amanda feels justified arguing with kyle about this being inappropriate because kyle has been ciara’s biggest champion (in her own words) and west should respect her more. amanda hasn’t come that alive in idk how long. it was clearly on her own behalf because she doesn’t respect ciara enough to tell her the truth.

-amanda resented that ciara brought up the separation on camera

pt 6: how ciara shows up

- unconditional love and support (offering amanda a place to live if she leaves kyle, arguing with kyle about how he treats amanda, etc. )

- maintains boundaries emotional and physical

- doesn’t retaliate out of impulse

- doesn’t accept the bare minimum

- knows her worth and demands others do the same

-ciara moves with intention and everyone reacts to her. she disrupts.

**-**Ciara isn’t just a participant in the group dynamic—she becomes the reference point everyone else is measured against, and that positioning changes how people respond to her.

conclusion: ciara didn’t create these dynamics, just exposed them.

-wests ego combined with his insecurity, entitlement to sex after a certain amount of effort/time, resentment for the backlash/ humiliation and notoriety he got from her, and the “good behavior” he had to be on was insurmountable.

-amanda’s insecurity and comparison to ciara and the life she has was a quiet resentment slowly building over time. people see ciara how she wants to be seen, they treat her how she wants to be treated.

-they both want what she has, self confidence and fan support. she doesn’t need others to validate her (though they do), she doesn’t need a husband to give her permission, she doesn’t have to “job hunt”, she gets paid off her looks. they have to make themselves feel like she’s not out of their league— even though ciara doesn’t find either of them inadequate (and champions them both often), she is just a mirror. and the one thing insecure people HATE is their own reflection.

thanks for coming to my ted talk lol