u/boujee-queenn

I’m a black 25F. I have been working at my job for 4 years. I started having serious stomach issues when I was 22 years old. I have been in and out of the hospital and visited multiple and numerous doctors for about a year. Anyways I healed my stomach for a bit but my stomach issues never FULLY went away. My stomach issues are complex to understand. I have experienced multiple forms of abuse from my narcissistic parents and family members including emotional abuse,physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse and I was exposed to physical violence throughout most of my childhood. I went to therapy for my trauma at one point and then had to stop because I just couldn’t afford it and honestly I should go back but I literally live paycheck to paycheck and I can’t afford to have someone hear me vent about my childhood trauma. I am lucky that I didn’t crash out or anything like that although, I’ve been getting physically ill.

Nearly a year ago, I had a major life event occur. My family didn’t support me but that isn’t anything new! This time around tho, I ACTUALLY had a rude awakening. I saw my family for the sick people they truly were and I got bullied by my narc father EVERY SINGLE morning and afternoon for 2 months straight because of a misfortune that happened to me! I went to my sister for help to only find out that that bitch Is sick in the head too. She told me that i “Needed that” as in implying that our father abusing me was justified because it was my fault that he screwed me over. After that phone call, I just felt extremely uncomfortable and decided she wasn’t a safe person to be around.

I ended up staying up an entire 2 days which was bipolar episode I believe, and I used to have those a lot as a kid that my parent’s never got me diagnosed for. That’s how I knew it was truly time for me to get away from these sick people so to protect my own sanity and peace, I cut them all off! That includes my 2 siblings as well (I’m the middle child). I got harassed for months by numerous family members until I had to change my phone number but I am much happier without those people in my life.

Anyways I know that was a lot to read but that’s just so you can understand that my stomach issues are from the severe trauma and stress from my childhood.

Well about a few weeks ago, my manager talked to me in the office complaining to me about what my colleague was doing. For reference, She’s also a young black female. But this coworker does illegal things on the clock like stealing a lot of company time and not being productive or working. I’m talking STEALING TIME like 1-4 hours but she’s probably been gone more often now that we have more work volume. Mind you, this isn’t the first time I got confronted by a manager or lead for her wrong doings. I’ve already reported her for stealing company time and said to management “THAT IS NOT ME STEALING TIME it’s (insert employee’s name)! Go confront her. I have stomach issues which is why I use the bathroom so much and also have an alternative schedule so I take more breaks than everyone.” Even after saying this NOTHING changed. What the managers have been doing to me for MONTHS is they’ve been telling ME what they really want to say to my coworker but they won’t go tell the actual person who is stealing time!!

We haven’t had a permanent manager in over a year as there wasn’t anyone to fill the position so this said employee has been stealing company time like no bodies business with no real consequences or repercussions!!

Now I have an actual manager, I am STILL getting blamed and treated poorly for her wrong doings even despite me explaining the reason behind why I constantly leave my desk. My manager pulled me into the office a couple weeks ago, AGAIN complaining about my bathroom usage and I explain to her the same exact thing and we went back and forth. Then she asks me “well what do u have? If you’re even actually sick..?” I said “excuse me? Are you saying that I’m falsifying my doctor note?” Her-“No but you’re never at your desk.” Me-“Again, I have an alternative schedule so I’m taking my breaks and lunches and if I’m not at my desk, I’m using the bathroom.” Her-“Well you need to be combining your lunch with your bathroom breaks because we NEED you in your seat at all times!” I asked “So you think I need to be sitting for my entire work shift?” Her-“Yes you’re not allowed to go on break, lunch or the bathroom. You need to be in your seat being productive.” Me-“You can’t tell me to not use the bathroom. That’s literally insane. I’m not a child and I don’t need to update you 24/7 about what I’m doing, but since me leaving the area is a big issue Do u want me to use the bathroom at my desk or move my desk closer to the bathroom?” My manager-“No. You don’t need to move closer to the bathroom.” Me-“Ok so then what would you like me to do? And also why do u keep trying to get me in trouble for something I’m not doing. Are you being racist? I think you’re just being racist is what it is.” Then she gaslights me and says “well everyone in the department is complaining about it!” Me-“really? That’s creepy that everyone is so concerned about my bathroom usage. Me going to the bathroom has nothing to do with my volume because I’m fully successful based off what you said last week.” She lies and says I’m not reaching my number and kept going back and forth. I did not feel comfortable after that conversation.

She also didn’t try to defend herself when I called her a racist and after the conversation, I felt like she was going to further escalate the situation. She only cares when it’s a person of color or some minority besides a white person going on break or lunch. Even if we (Black people and minorities) talk to briefly or to ask a question, she gets annoyed by seeing us talk while she and the lead gossips and talk about me and other employees all day long! And at first, I thought it was just in my head but after that conversation in her office, I see how she feels about me truly. I also won’t tolerate her attempts to bully me and create a hostile work environment. She didn’t have an issue with me up until she was given the manager title so obviously she’s on a power trip of some sort.

Anyways, I took my concerns and reported her to her boss. I asked her boss about a reasonable accommodation form and I explain to him that the reason why I’m asking is because I got in trouble for using the bathroom and was told that I’m not allowed to go on any of my breaks or lunches according to management. I also said that I think the manager is being racist by not addressing the person doing the wrong doing because we just both happen to be black and that isn’t fair to me when I’m not doing what I’ve getting accused of.

He looked at me like I had 2 heads and said that he agrees that I do need an RA on file for the bathroom usage. I guess he told the manager about our conversation because later on that afternoon, the manager comes up to my desk with a totally different tone. “Hey you can go to the bathroom as much as you want. You don’t need to fill out an RA form.” I responded with “I don’t care what you say. I’m going to fill it out because it’s obviously a big issue and I’m tired of being harassed for a medical condition that I can’t control.” Manager -“Oh no no no. You’re allowed to go to the bathroom. You don’t have to fill that RA paper out, seriously.” 😁 I just look at her like 😐, then she gets the hint and walks away.

Now despite that conversation, she STILL has been overworking me or having me do stressful task. I got sick with a bad flare up and I’ve been out of office for 2 weeks with what I presume IBS? Not sure exactly what is wrong with my stomach but I’m gonna find out on Monday, April 27th and have them run tests on me.

My question is, why is it now that I’m trying to protect myself by requesting an RA to keep my job, the manager tells me that me going to the bathroom actually an issue at all?? I’m so confused by her statement because obviously it’s an issue if I keep getting addressed about it ? And now that I reported her and want to get on file my stomach issues, she says I don’t need it?