Is this my life now?
FTM 35F 8.5mpp, I’ve been struggling with PPD and PPA since about 6mpp. I don’t know how or when things got so bad but I’m so lost in this shit and I am too tired to find my way out.
My baby is wonderful and a great sleeper. She’s literally the best thing and I’m honestly shocked that she came out of me. She’s so pleasant and smile-y and I’m just….so fucking depressed and anxious all the time.
I’m a music college professor and performer and have lived a pretty eventful life. I don’t resent that my life is changing, but I’m scared that I don’t love my work anymore. The work in itself isn’t stressful but it’s EXHAUSTING and the pay is absolutely shit and it just doesn’t energise me like it used to. I’m so done. We can’t afford for me to be a SAHM so I’m just going to have to figure out an alternative. But what? I can’t change careers now. I am no good at anything else. I just want a stupid simple job that pays bills and doesn’t drain me but fucking late stage capitalism means people are looking for receptionists with MBAs! Gah!!!!
I’m having some kind of identity crisis on top of everything and I daydream of passing away in my sleep often.
Is there anybody else out there?