Yesterday I hit 5000 listens on my favorite song — Word Salad
Yesterday I hit 5000 listens on my favorite song — Word Salad. I honestly can’t put into words what this album means to me. I lost my “self” and replaced it with the character from the album, Alison. I can’t imagine myself looking any other way. My actual appearance is far from hers, but when I think of myself, I see her.
In March it will be a year since I’ve been suffering from psychosis. I’ve been listening to this song for 8 months. I relate to every single line of the album Alice in Hell — they described my psychosis so accurately. I’m planning to buy a dozen copies of the album when I have the money. I’m scared I’ll spend all my money on my music obsessions.
During my psychosis I believed the attraction was physical — that I was physically connected to the music, that it wasn’t random, and that every lyric I listen to somehow describes me. I can talk for hours about Annihilator’s music, especially their albums about Alison. I don’t understand how some young guitarist with no money managed to describe my psychosis so perfectly, lol. But for a year now I’ve been listening to this album every single day.
I want to share with someone what the lyrics of Word Salad, Bloodbath, Fun Palace mean to me. They feel completely intertwined with who I am. My “self” is basically the psychosis. It was born from the psychosis and everything that came with it. And the person I was supposed to be just hates me and refuses to speak.
I really love the forum format, but I was afraid to post anything for a long time. I have SPD, and I’ve had at least two psychotic episodes and hospitalizations this year. Because of poor contact with doctors, they don’t know a lot, but recently I managed to tell them about the voices — which is a big achievement for me because of my speech issues. I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder 5 times and schizophrenia twice.
Thank you. I hope this post fits the subreddit and that I’ll be able to keep sharing the hidden meanings I find.