im constantly scared of being fired, but i also miss unemployment
literally every small mistake at work i make is amplified in my brain and i think my bosses are losing patience with me i've been there like a month i should know everything by now
i have to go to work in less than 20 minutes and im dreading it because i know all my co workers are better than me and i'm just gonna go and probably fuck something up again
i was unemployed 3 months last year, at the time i was depressed but now i really miss it. since i've started working again everyday has felt like hell, like someone's constantly throwing rotten tomatoes at me for every small screw up
i make a good amount of money for an 18 y/o but my mental state is getting increasingly worse. i wish i didnt have these disorders i wish i could just brush things off when they happen but i make such horrible mistakes
(yesterday i forgot to tell the back kitchen we were running out of whipped cream and had to make some which takes like 7 minutes and a customer was upset)
2 of my co workers hate me also and i think theyre trying to bully me into quitting. little do they know i dont even have will to live anymore. i wish i could go thru a magical fantasy portal because being a human is just so much effort i work full time and by the time im home im so exhausted its hard to take care of even brushing my teeth
(i still do because that would be gross but sometimes the anxiety from "i have to go to sleep i have work in the morning" literally paralyzes me and has me staring at the wall in pure silence for half an hour and its hard to calm myself down)
anyway sorry if this doesnt make any sense i havent slept as much as im supposed to in the past 2 days i have to go finish getting ready bye