Am I moving forward or just failing better?
Year after year I see myself at the same crossroad.
Neet 24, Neet 25, inicet nov 25 and now NEET 26... Yes I'm getting better results each time but is that all?
"Maybe this time will be better", "maybe if I persist a little bit more".
This time when I gave my inicet nov exam and got arround 500 AIR, I thought I was inching towards my target of neet. After that it was all the same as previous years, no improvement in mock results with time, stuck arround the same rank(sometimes even worse). Time passed by neet came, I gave whatever I had it in me.
I don't know what my result will be (or deep down maybe I know) and I'm hoping for the best.
I've seen people going from 800 rank in Nov inicet to 200 in next neet, why can't I be that student.
Everytime I FAIL, it chips away self confidence till you're left with bits and pieces of it.
Everytime I FAIL, the dooming fear of being an average nobody gets stronger.
Everytime I FAIL, I let my parents down.
Everytime I FAIL, I crush my dream of being a good doctor who does justice to his patients.
Being stuck in a loop of hoping, doing and trying and trying and trying is just wearing me down slowly.
Was I sold a dream?
Should I just move on already?
All the best to everybody for their results, hoping when that results flashes on your screen, you won't feel as guilty as me right now.
All the best to people attempting inicet next Saturday with me.
Rant over.