Processing my feelings after realising close friends aren't willing to support you
I've been unwell for about 18 months now, but only three months ago did a doctor suggest it's probably Long Covid. Up until that point, I'd been given various other diagnoses and left to it but never felt like I recovered fully and kept experiencing new random symptoms. I'm glad to have finally identified it as LC, but feeling very frustrated about it.
One of the most challenging aspects of this illness is how isolating it's been. Before this, I thought I had a good set of friends and family who would be there for me if anything bad happened. It's been devastating to realise that isn't true. I do have an amazing partner and some family members who are trying their best, but most friends haven't made much effort and some very close family members have distanced themselves. I know everyone is busy with their own lives, but it's been sad to realise that not even my best friends are there for me.
My closest friend, who I've known for over twenty years and who doesn't live far from me, has been so absent. After the first 8-9 months of illness, I was thinking about why I felt so lonely and I realised that this friend has made very little effort to check in, make plans or anything at all really. A few months ago, I mentioned to them that I was feeling really lonely and they acknowledged that they hadn't made much effort and that they were sorry. And then things just carried on in exactly the same way. I don't know how to process this. They are completely aware that I am lonely, struggling with my health and generally having a bad time and they just don't seem to see them supporting me as part of our friendship.
The worst moment was realising that I had no close friends to message when I found out it's Long Covid. Previously when I messaged this close friend about a diagnosis after I'd been through many tests, they didn't even respond to the message. Now I just don't know how to move forward in life generally. Even if I manage to feel better and manage my symptoms, I don't know how to live a happy life knowing that many of the closest people to me aren't willing to go out of their way to help if something's wrong. I don't know how to feel positive about recovery and moving on with my life when it feels like I've had this huge realisation about everyone around me.
Mostly just a rant and getting my feelings out, but I'm curious if anyone else has similar experiences.