u/andriarno

Hey all, thanks for taking the time to read and engage.

Yeah, as the question says. Is it better to start at the peak of the action and flash back to start over, or maybe the aftermath of something big for a mystery box right out of the gate?

My Rome series is 11 episodes, 456 pages, and I’ve gotten a lot of valid and useful feedback about it being front loaded and too slow to get going. The problem is I’ve written the life of my lead character from age 16, entering an arranged marriage, to the age of 34, where she becomes the symbol behind a potential pagan renaissance, and the changes she goes through politically, socially, and emotionally while Rome also changes around her. Between 309ad and 325ad.

Any thoughts, examples, sarcastic quips welcome. Especially given the scope of what I’m writing I really will appreciate and value any structure help here before I start attacking the project with scissors and glue to reorder it non chronologically.

But my biggest fear is that while my lead and her family will be easy to track non chronologically the politics of Rome between those days won’t be. Especially for those up on their history knowledge you’ll know why.

Hey guys, I’m working on this script right now after getting feedback from my tv series being too slow. So experimenting with, deffo, quicker pacing. Tad worried I might have gone too fast?

Also how I’m balancing tone between military and millennial characters. Don’t believe in my lead? That’s fine, it’s meant to be concerning, but would my lead make you turn off the movie?

Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind (temp title) 33 pages

Motion picture movie
33 pages
Science fiction, comedy, hopecore

Is humanity ready for intergalactic communication?

What do you do when a global broadcast of extraterrestrial origin names you as the ambassador of Earth? And how will the world react to your appointment? In 2027 Hannah Dawson is chosen to represent Earth in 28 days when an alien ambassador arrives.

Her life, her secrets, her family all thrown into the public eye while she prepares for the arrival whilst meeting with representatives from around the world who are trying to curate the best possible first contact. But what does that mean for self identity when you’re representing everyone?

Thats my best pitch for act one / two I have here. The full movie is four acts
1 - identify lead, world reacts
2 - train the lead to be diplomatic human 101
3 - alien arrival, connection established
4 - military coup in attempt to claim alien tech from the lead and alien.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Ra3YgCXgiIbdFcpuoJkGZ1njMTiljtWu/view?usp=drivesdk

Title - Bellona of Rome - Episode One - A House Forged For Rome

Format - TV Pilot - 1 Hour Drama

Page Length - 41 pages

Genre - Historical drama. (Family/Political)

Logline - In early 4th-century Rome, a young woman is married into a rising political -dynasty- household and expected to serve as its future, but beneath the rituals and expectations, she begins to weaponize the very system meant to control her.

Feedback concerns -

Formatting: I’m self-taught, so I’d appreciate notes on readability/clarity if anything feels off or distracting.

Protagonist agency: In this episode, Bellona is largely reacting to events as she’s pulled into a political marriage. Does this still feel engaging, or does it weaken her as a lead? Are there moments where she could feel more active without breaking the intent?

Tone / content: The episode builds to a forced marital encounter. Does this feel narratively justified and handled appropriately, or does it risk feeling gratuitous or alienating?

Pacing / hook: Does the episode hold your interest throughout, especially given its more domestic and character-focused nature early on?

World clarity: Is the setting, time period, and social structure clear without being overwhelming or exposition-heavy?

Currently sitting on the whole show as an eleven part series, but I know posting all of that at once would turn people off in a heartbeat.

This is part of a planned 11-episode series, with Bellona’s agency and influence growing over time.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-J-8fnjst56xmMP_CWjfAW-Jicx45Pm1/view?usp=drivesdk

Thanks in advance to anyone who gives it a look. I genuinely appreciate your time, even if it’s just the opening pages. Happy to swap feedback as well. This is my first historical piece but I’d be willing to read alike scripts.

Edit: not dynasty, household. Very important wording change.