u/alterxistence

I've always known I want to get married in my late 20s, and I've been upfront about this with everyone I date. We recently broke up because he's fundamentally opposed to marriage — not to me, but to the institution itself.

His reasoning makes some sense on the surface: he's watched marriages around him — friends, family — and while some have been beautiful, he's deeply averse to the legal and procedural weight of it. Divorce involves families, legalities, and no clean exit. He's a feelings-first person who wants his relationship to exist purely in that space, without formal commitment layered on top.

And the painful part? He's everything I'd want in a partner. He drove 2000+ km just to see me. He rarely says much, but his actions are the most old-school, quietly devoted kind I've ever experienced. I would have married this man without a second thought.

What I can't process is this: how do you love someone deeply — and he does, genuinely — and still choose to lose them over a personal rule about marriage? He even told me that once I see more marriages around me, I'll understand his perspective better. By the time I'll be 30 I'll understand all that he says better.

I'm not looking to change his mind. I think we're both clear on where we stand. I just want to understand this. Has anyone been in something like this, on either side?

P.S. I've structured this post with the help of AI — the feelings and situation are entirely my own.

Thanks in advance. 🙏