u/alt-number-3-1415926

I was first diagnosed with OCD in 2022 when I was in the psych ward, it has since been revised by my current therapist to be OCD like tendencies, however I believe she is wrong and that my OCD is more severe then she thinks. I am unable to swallow medicine, no matter how hard I try. I have tried crushing a pill and mixing it with pudding. It worked for about 2 months, then I threw up every time. I was on liquid citalopram for a while and managed that for about 4 months until I threw up (a lot) everytime I tried taking it. Citalopram worked amazingly, but had to stop due to vomiting. I have also tried swallowing whole pills, but they will never go down, I tend to gag and then throw up. I have been successful in swallowing a tic tac (practicing) once with mac and cheese, but it is not viable to make mac and cheese every day for a medicine.

I have occasional psychosis, mostly when stressed like when I took Calculus, typically seeing things, occasionally hearing and feeling things. I'm not in a super stressful environment currently and have 1 thing about every 3-4 days, my psychiatrist and I have determined they are mostly illusions versus hallucinations. The illusions are very short typically, however I did once (early on) have an auditory hallucination for about 10 minutes. Auditory hallucinations are never voices, always noises, but I know those noises could not be made in the environment I was in, or I would check some electronic device to play it back and it isn't there. I am not currently on any psychiatric medicine, but I desperately need to be, I am having a lot of sucidal thoughts, and a lot of OCD symptoms.

I have looked into a lot of medicines and doing some research (chemistry major and EMT). Ketamine IV seems effective for OCD (for 2 weeks per infusion), however I don't want to risk it due to the occasional psychosis and risk that it becomes more permanent. I have looked into Seligiline, and it seems like a great option, it is in patches, which would work great for me, but it is $2,500/month, and GoodRx only takes off a couple hundred.

I am willing to try any medication that is not oral. My therapy office has a nurse who can do intramuscular injections, so that is an option. Patches or creams would be ideal. I am also okay with rectal administration if absolutely needed, I just need the nightmares of OCD to stop. Ideally it isn't too expensive, I have really bad health insurance, so assume it is as if I have none. I think I can afford $100/month comfortably, but I might be able to pay more if needed.

I do not have a therapist specialized in the main non medicine therapy treatment method for OCD (I forget what it is called), I have been trying to teach it to myself, but I have had very little success so far.

I am having suicidal thoughts almost every single day and I have extremely strong desires to self harm, I am managing to fight those off, but I honestly don't know how long I can fight them off for, I feel like those are going to win soon.

My psychiatrist has told me that I can do a mail order compounding pharmacy if needed.

Other information includes: Strongly suspect autism, not diagnosed (I know I am autistic, it just isn't official), ADHD-Inattentive, General Anxiety, 23 years old, Trans MTF, currently on estrogen patches, I go to therapy every 2 weeks, I have a case manager I can typically call or meet up with any weekday during business hours, I see my psychiatrist about every 3 months. My psychiatrist is by far my favorite person, he is very scientific and that matches me perfectly. I am about 200 pounds, I live in the USA, so we are working with the FDA on what medicine is approved, I am perfectly okay with taking a medicine off label, as long as there is decent science backing it up (at least a human trial, doesn't need to be double blind or placebo).

If you need more information from me, just ask, and I will do my best to answer it.

Most armor I see online is from India, which I don't have a problem with India, except that the reviews are not the best, and they don't accept returns oftentimes. I am okay with spending $1k easily, I don't want to spend too too much though. I am looking for a full set of plate armor from the helmet down to the leggings, and shoe covers, if possible. I already have a chainmail chestplate and coif, but I want more. Does anyone have a good website or link?