I am going through a crisis and I’m convinced I’m a monster.
This happened 5 years ago when I was 18 but for some reason it popped back into my mind again and I am spiralling out of control. For context, I have very bad OCD and anxiety.
I used to watch a YouTube channel that posted spankings from old movies (it’s a bit embarrassing to admit that I got off to people being spanked in movies from decades ago but whatever). It didn’t matter to me whether it was a man or woman being spanked, as I was attracted to the act of spanking, not the actual people.
Anyway, one time I watched a video of a 1920s movie scene from a silent movie with a man spanking what I thought was a grown woman. I looked the movie up afterwards and I felt absolutely sick. Apparently the girl was 14 when the movie came out, so she was probably about 13 when filming. I felt like an absolute monster, even though I had absolutely NO idea that she was underage. I was certain she was around 20 or maybe a bit older.
I went through a massive dip where I hardly slept or ate. After a few weeks I got a bit better. But recently for some reason that memory has came back to me in full swing, and I feel evil.
I am panicking so much. Has anyone gone through something similar? Please help.