Has anyone used career counseling before and gotten something out of it? Would I just ask these questions of a mentor?
Hi friends.
Chemist that does a lot of chemical physics type stuff. Working for a govt lab, but the US administration and its policies throughout the last year and a half have REALLY worn me down. The stress of losing telework, threat of firing all probationary employees (which included me), budget cuts, crumbling infrastructure, under staffing, and being told to do MORE with LESS accumulates over time until it feels like death by a million paper cuts.
The job has lost all flexibility and I am an only child (not by choice) that has to occasionally take care of two sick parents in different states. My own boss and his boss are very supportive of me taking leave when I need to care for my parents. They understand that no one chooses these shitty circumstances. Pretty much everyone else is unsupportive. The only thing that convinces these other colleagues that I care about my job is working 12 hour days when I am not caring for my parents.
I recently received funding to study a topic a co-PI and I are passionate about, but my co-PI left my job and the person taking on her tasking was voluntold to do so. He's frustrated by the circumstances (understandably so, it's not his passion project the way it was for her) but it feels as though he might be taking his frustration out on me. The colleague also seems frustrated by other coworkers that don't take their jobs as seriously as he takes his own job. It seems like he's actively looking for opportunities to narc when I know they do good work.
I get drained hearing these comments and fear that people are making similar judgments about me. I'm just trying my fucking best but it doesn't seem to matter. I don't want to work 12 hour days. I keep getting told by various people (including my own boss) that I work too much. What other choice do I have when this colleague that is supposed to work with me says he can't complete all of the tasks that were assigned to him, besides learn how to do them myself? I am the one who has to bear the consequences if our funding doesn't deliver as promised.
I love my partner and we're considering marriage soon. He's tied to this area because of his own career opportunities and educational path. The drama of the last year and a half alongside my co-PI leaving has sucked all joy out of the job. But what if I'm the problem? What if I lack resilience and grit and am just a baby??
I wasn't necessarily the best math student but I can work on that. There's a lot of overlap between chemical physics and electrical engineering, which has dramatically better job prospects in my area. So I'm considering that educational path, and yet work is so overwhelming right now that I don't have a ton of time to study besides weekends.
I wish I could quit and pursue an EE masters full time but both my mom and partner keep telling me to not give up on the funding I worked so hard to acquire. But at this point I can't care about the funding. Maintaining the health of my relationships feels way more important. My mom's cancer is stage IV and my dad had heart problems this last year. My partner misses having more time with me because we see each other for an hour and a half on weeknights. This job doesn't seem conducive to caring for the things that matter to me.
I need someone smarter than me tell me what to do.