Is it worth it?
Hi,
This is going to be a long post. But i will really appreciate to know insights of those who have been in my situation before. I am not using AI to proofread so please excuse my english or grammar mistakes.
Context :
I am an Indian IMG. Graduated from med school in 2023, cleared all three steps(237,239,221), did 7m USCE, 3 pubs and ECFMG certified. I had to borrow money($30,000)from relatives to apply for residency. I applied twice to IM but didn’t match (got 4 IM + 1 FM IV last cycle). I got married in 2022 and been blessed with 2 kids. I am yet to repay money which i borrowed from my in-laws. I have responsibility to take care of my family. Doing residency in US has always been a dream for me. Experiencing one of the best advanced healthcare system, working alongside people from all over the world with different cultures, learning from the best faculty and working towards healthcare advancements.
After not matching this year i practically gave up on applying next cycle. But after weighing up all the aspects and discussing with my friends, i still felt doing residency in US would still be best bet for me. I reached out to people for mentorship and always got positive feedback. I was able to secure an Observership opportunity with a program director next month and other opportunity in chicago. I made up mind that i will be applying for next cycle. I borrowed money($600) from friends to book for tickets. But i am not sure whether its a good decision or not.
i have been questioning myself for a while, is it all worth it? And if yes at what cost? Are some dreams just not meant for you or has god better plans for you in place elsewhere? By pursuing my dreams am i going against the will of god? Does god want me to stay close to my family and pursue home country residency? Is it the act of god me not able to match twice or is it just my incapability? is my profile not good enough for US healthcare?
I am stuck in this loop of whether i should pursue my dreams or not.
I have always been a firm believer in god and always been reliant on him to guide me towards whats best for me, for my family, for people around me and for this life and for here after. But i am not sure what does god want from me.
My soul is filled with sorrow and regret.
Should i risk my future on this chance of whether i will match or not? Or work towards whats certain for me - ie doing home country residency(although i prefer clinical branches but at this point i can prepare well for the entrance exam, give my best shot and if i get a good rank take whatever i am getting or if not settle down for a clinical branch- but Atleast i will be able to settle down in life)
Theres so many things going on in my brain. I am not sure what to do. This community has been so helpful through out my journey. Hence i chose to seek help from you once again.
Thank you.