She left me. And she made me promise I wouldn't abandon her.
I am just angry that my girlfriend of one year decided that suicide was the best option on this earth. I have tried to love her unconditionally to make to make her feel loved and wanted to and cared about. But unfortunately, my love was not enough and she ended her life last weekend. Over the weekend she tried and tried to try to reach out to me, but I didn’t take the phone with me for an emergency hospital visit. She was not able to get a hold of me and felt that I was upset and angry with her. I had left her. She tried and tried and tried to get a hold of me but after failed the attempts, she went ahead and departed from earth. I’m angry at her for her decision her choice to do what she did.. but I am most heartbroken and I am just dying of guilt. I should’ve been there for or I should’ve taken the phone with me. I know in my heart of hearts I could’ve stopped this. But when she needed me most, and it was at her bow Loews point of her life. Her boyfriend, her support system her best friend was not there for her. We have promised each other and promised each other promised we would always always always work on each other. Come back to each other come back for what she did and I have to live with not being there for or even just being available to talk. Her family hates me so I am being excluded from most of our funeral services. I am the person who has supported her the most dare I say ever; financially and emotionally over the past year. I am I am trying to talk to her. I am trying to ask her to forgive me as I have forgiven her 40 essentially breaking my heart, the rest of my life. I am very angry. Bitter and sad. Not with her, but with her decision.. I heard mentally and physically every day since this has happened I can’t eat not drinking any water and sometimes I feel like the fire of life dimming. My girlfriend was my fire and human heart, walking deer and a woman’s body. I want nothing more than for her to forgive me wherever she is so that I can allow myself forgiveness and I could begin the healing process myself. I hope that when I depart this earth. God is waiting for me at the pearly gates, he walks up and puts his arm around me and says to me that her and my sister have been waiting for me.