u/Worth-Hand-65

My puppy died after a spay surgery

I don’t even know how to start writing this, but I need to get it out somewhere.

A few days ago I took my puppy to get spayed, after she had gone through her heat. She was so small… just a baby. She didn’t have any fever, no vomiting, nothing that made me think something was seriously wrong. The only thing I noticed was a bit of swelling around the incision, but I thought it was normal.

I even took a picture of it on Friday, thinking it was just part of the healing process.

Now she’s gone.

I keep thinking that if I had paid more attention, if I had taken her back sooner, maybe she would still be here. I feel like I failed her. She trusted me, and I didn’t protect her.

She used to run around chasing chickens that were bigger than her like she wasn’t afraid of anything. When I took pictures of her, she looked tiny, like a little speck… I used to call her and her brother “mites” because they were so small when they climbed on my bed.

She loved to climb on me and put her little paws on my face, like she was hugging me.

I miss her so much it physically hurts.

I don’t know how to deal with this guilt. I keep replaying everything in my head, thinking about what I should have done differently.

If anyone has gone through something similar… how do you even start to cope with this?