u/Wooden-Importance-84

I have recently been doing a lot of thinking, and have come to the realisation that I might be bisexual. I am really questioning it though.

I am both sexually and romantically attracted to men, and have always been and I’ve also always been sexually attracted to women and maybe romantically attracted too. I think I might be romantically attracted to women but have always subconsciously suppressed it due to guilt and internalised misogyny + homophobia (when I say internalised misogyny and homophobia, I want to make it clear that I’m pretty sure both of those things are just a manifestation of suppressed hatred of myself, not anyone else).

From a very young age, I would admire any woman I found beautiful or worthy in my vicinity. Wether it be on TV or a girl in my class (or even older cousins girlfriend lol), but this adoration always outwardly presented itself as “I want to be her, because she is beautiful and clever and funny and kind.”

I also, despite being a biological female, constantly experienced gender envy, feeling unworthy of being referred to with feminine pro nouns.

I’d also listen to straight up queer songs and cry over them, while thinking ,”Wow, I’m straight but I feel this song so deeply in my bones. I am such an empath.”

I’m very tired, and I don’t really want to get any more personal, so with the information I’ve given could someone give me any insight? Apologies for any grammatical mistakes

So I’m starting to get back into writing but after having a long break, I think I have lost my touch. Below are a few lines of a first draft of something I’m writing, I’d really appreciate any insight. (I know it’s terrible, my writing usually matures and develops a lot after a few drafts).

Courtesy of growing old, time is hollow until anything an atomic is asked to follow. Should I not surrender to rest, I dread the one day I lay back in the dentists chair as my teeth crumble like chalk, inhabited by moss so old it must talk. I would not be able to look the dentist in the eye, as he hands me back my rotted teeth for keep.