Idk what to do
7.5m pp. entire postpartum has been rough. My husband and I have been fighting a lot. It's been worse the past couple months.
I feel very numb to everything he says but today it escalated more than it has before.
Last weekend he picked a fight. I was trying to walk past him but he started blocking the door. I put the back of my hand on his side to scooch him out of the way. He took that as me putting my hands on him and he snapped and shoved me, bounced my head off the wall and arms behind my back. Told me I got physical with him first. Then berated me about my weight. Called me a linebacker, a big body bitch, fat every which way you can think of. Called me wretched, vile, nasty, disgusting. Said I was "using my size against him." I was not violent, and honestly, the movement I tried on him is something we use normally in the house to just sort of nudge the other out of the way.
Today. Similar thing. He decided he was going to start drinking at 8:30 this morning. As expected an argument started. He started in on my weight again, calling me a bitch and every other name. I walked away to go get baby changed and do my makeup. He came to my vanity and kicked a pile of clothes at me then got down into my face to where I had to lean back off the side of my chair to have some space. He saw me put my phone underneath my leg and went to snatch it from me. Ended up wrestling me and threw my phone out of the room. He blocked the doorway again and wouldn't let me past. I put my hand on his chest and said please move. He again took that as me putting my hands on him and him using self defense to shove me down onto the ground, in front of the baby. I fell into my chair and nightstand. He proceeded to get in my face and yell at me for about an hour while blocking me in the room. Baby started fussing so I picked him up. My husband told me I can't weaponize the baby and tried to snatch him from me. I said no, you are not going to get violent with him around. He then grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm behind my back and yanked the baby from me and hurt him in the process.
He then wanted to further the argument about buying a couch. He knows I can't afford it because I'm paying off my hospital bills and now child care. I don't make a lot of money as is. The video included is him using that against me.
I don't understand why he has gotten so nasty and hateful during this. He has been so absent and uninvolved. Having a baby should have been the happiest moments but it's been everything but that. My feelings get actually hurt when I see other couples functioning and happy with their babies.