Im at odds
I need help Im F 22 and my SO is M24
We have lived together for 3 years, he brought his 2 cats a male and a female and i brought my male. Previously he had a roomate who had a cat who treated everything as a litter box so his female kinda did too? She got out of that habit almost immediately due to that just being unsanitary and thats just not okay(i very much disagree with the way the roommate kept the house, and SO moved out immediately after roommate got this cat and didnt clean up after it appropriately. Very much not okay cant stress that enough) well back to why im here, his female cat HATES me. And i know its not a actual hate relationship but at this point idk what to do. She breaks into cabnets(with secure child locks on them) she will work on them for a week or two at a time until they come loose and she can get inside of the cabnet just to hide. She will pee on the other cats toys if they really like them, making the other cat not want it, but she also doesnt want the toy. She will pee and puke on only my things or the other cats favorite spots. Yes i clean all of this nearly daily after working my fulltime job. And its driving me actually insane and i have been telling him no when he recommends rehoming her but im almost out of will to deal with it? And its sending me into panic attacks due to how consistent and targeted it feels, i love cats and this is making it to were i never want another one again. They are all fixed and the others are all boys and honestly perfect behavior(or just normal cat shenanigans) but she has attacked me on multiple occasions and this behavior is too much and i just need some help. I feel like im literally taking care of a toddler with the amount just she does.. i really dont know if i can do another 5-10 years of this. I feel like ive tried everything from new and more hides around the house to child locks on all my cabnets even with no kids and i hate feeling this dread around it all. She gets along with the other cats, ive tried crating as a timeout along with positive reinforcement but im always back to square -For background ive had cats my entire life and i currently work with snakes, i know it takes consistancy and trust but sometimes i think it can be the animal and after 3 years i think its just how she is? But she is sweet to SO and thats it, there was a very brief period that she liked me(in the slightest) and it was right after SO got her fixed a year ago. Im guessing she was just mad at him for taking her up there?
Anything helps and please try to be understanding im writing this while shaking due to our last interaction so bare with the scattered though process. Id hate to see him loose his cat so im really really trying here