Hey everypuppy, I need some advice
Okay, this is going to sound pretty cliche, but I'm a cis gay male(18) who has recently been... Thinking about some *aspects* of myself, particularly regarding my gender. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trans(probably) but I have definitely been much more in touch with my feminine side than a lot of other people I know. Particularly, I can confidently say that identify as a femboy. However, more recently, I've been having certain... Thoughts cross my mind. I've never once cared what a person addresses me by. You can call me he, she, they, the wrong name entirely; hell, if you walked up to me and said "hey f*g, help me with this," I'd drop what I was doing and comply without a second thought. But I'm not sure if I would be able to willingly tell someone that I identify as anything else.
The second issue is that I'm a person with quite a bit of testosterone; I'm tall, I have broad shoulders, I build muscle mass easily, and I have a lot of body hair. I hate my body hair, and I find that a lot of these traits make it really hard to be feminine, especially my body hair. In fact, I would love nothing more than to remove all of it. I've considered taking estrogen, unironically. I've wondered what I'd look like with boobs, too. But at the same time, I can't part with my masculinity. I love being tall, I love being jacked, and I love that I can lift four hundred pounds off the ground like it's nothing. I feel like the more feminine I become, the more of that part of me I'll be losing in the process.
And at the same time, I feel like even if I do decide to be something different, I would only be pretending. Like it wouldn't be genuine. I don't hate who I am as a man, I don't have discomfort in my body, and I don't need to take a pill to feel like myself. I feel like a fraud for even considering another gender.
So now I'm just kinda... Stuck. Like I feel like I'm a different person every day. I keep having all of these thoughts about how I wish I could be female, or nonbinary, or turn myself into an anthropomorphic cat, or go full Adam Smasher and shed my mortal flesh entirely, but I don't know if I really want to be any of that because I *like* who I am now(for the most part), and if I change, I feel like I'll lose the things that make me who I am.
I dunno, I'll probably regret posting this later, because even bothering you lot feels like I'm acting on feelings that aren't entirely my own.